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Tak tertahankan

I hope for myself being okay with everything but it turns differently. I am not okay and not in better condition. In fact, I am trapped in the world of not my own. Saya tak cukup kuat bila saya memang tak kuat dengan keadaan yang pura-pura kuat sedangkan lemah kerana tak mahu lemah dan mahu dianggap kuat supaya saya stay strong and can live my life. Menjadi berani dan kuat juga ada cabaran yang kuat menekan-nekan saraf tunjang supaya menjadi lemah mengikut stigma masyarakat bahawa perempuan itu lemah. Juga, menurut keadaan yang berpindah randah kekuatan terkecamuk menjadi asing lalu seperti ikan buntal pecah perutnya.I am not okay. I am not okay when I have to take the burdens of others. I am not okay when they can chitchat happily and I did the responsibilities tergeliat2 by my own. I am not okay with people who just point their fingers and know nothing but promoting herself/himself that they did all(can do all). 
One more thing, I am not okay when I am thinking so loud, put into words and type here. 
I am not okay but only can smile because I have terrific Chiko accompanying me.