of crystallized rain

baby alya penenang jiwa!

2012-02-13T00:33:00.002+08:00

twinkle twinkle alya

ur aunt love u unconditionally

syg baby....

Menuntut sabar~

2012-02-10T22:40:00.001+08:00

Jika hari ini aku patah kaki, aku kena duduk atas kerusi roda dan terus bergerak
Jika hari ini aku sakit tekak sebab melalak atau cuaca tak menentu, aku harus terus menulis dan membuka mata
Jika hari ini aku tak bisa tersenyum, cuma pahit kelat dirasa, aku harus buang sinisku jauh2 ke longkang
Jika hari ini aku di ambang rasa kecewa, aku harus terus tertawa mengenangkan kenangan manis menggamit jiwa

If I could be me, and just me...

I should be patient.

..because patient is the key

to hold me back

in time.

Sabah. Getaway. Awesome. Cohort 3's Big Day

2012-02-10T22:28:00.000+08:00

Sabah. Getaway. Awesome. Simpang Mengayau

2012-02-10T22:06:00.002+08:00

tambah tolak

2012-02-06T18:14:00.000+08:00

the helping hands

I have raised my thought to abah, he discouraged me at first though this is solely for him.Having proposed my idea of the room, he was reluctant but nodded.

Then, the project began. We started with the all those basic, framing the room.

tempat abah berehat2

While abg Lee was busy doing his job, abah and I went to wooden door shop to find my dream royal door. For this, I allocated quite ringgit to realize the fairy glassy door of my dream. Haha, abah laughed at me but when he saw my straight and super seriousness wajah, he agreed with my choice. Did I mention the awkward silence when laoban mentioned the cost. aiyo. selagi ada pintu, selagi itu aku mahu!

berdarah mata

Peertemuan yang tak disangka

I would love to share my happiness with abah, the only hero of mine. Hope the renovation will make us all happier, for we are going to have better living room (space abah space!). Next stop, marbles shop, window and the frame and lastly paint man. Hurm, biarlah semakin bertambah kasih sayang dalam family ini, amin.

Charity starts at your doorstep ^_^

surat itu

2012-02-05T06:26:00.000+08:00

pengesahan jawatan itu buat aku tersenyum,
tenang
puas......
setelah pecah tulang belulang
setelah hancur remuk sebuah hati
setelah dibenci
akhirnya aku...semoga diredhai perjalanan ini
yg dulu masam pahit
harap kian memanis.

16.03.2004

2012-02-04T17:22:00.000+08:00

16.03.2004 my first attempt to blog.
Zaman tu dok pakai wayar Tmnet, abah subscribed masa kat Felda Cenderawasih.
Masa tu aktif ber ZOPFAN (blog batch 1999-2003 SMSLD), masa tu aktif ber MIRC dan jumpa kawan2 best (berhubung smpai sekarang) sbb kita boleh cari group yg sesuai dgn kita.
Masa tu la aku explore MS DOS, coding and solve problem kecik2 computer abah.
Masa tu, aku jadi house keeper sbb mak sakit tak berdaya wat kerja rumah, before 9 terus siap semua house chores, aku berjaya manage uyui hantar ambil dia dari sekolah, masa tu aku tak terfikir pon aku bakal jadi guru.
Masa tu aku happy sbb aku dapat berbakti dgn keluarga, masa tu petang2 je main pingpong, tenis dan badminton dgn budak2 Kg. Cenderawasih (mak ayah tak marah pon aktiviti sukan mix lelaki perempuan sbb kitorg x merepek cm budak sekarang).
Masa tu da sangat berbeza dari sekarang, apalagi bila aku baca kembali entries dahulukala. 2004 to 2012. Of crystallized rain...changes.

to get a job is easy,to confirm in the industry, sweat out babeyh

2011-10-19T21:23:00.001+08:00

Thank God, I got this opportunity to change the date. Thanks to those who help me out and those who didnt belief that I will get the concern from spp. Thanks to life coz you treat me nice this time. Step to soar. Are you ready zick, to fly, to set fire. Cekalkan akal untuk smbung study.bur

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strong is a strong word

2011-10-18T18:12:00.001+08:00

If I were strong, this is the strongest of me. You have made me to think thrice, to open my eyes wide to see you. What are you becoming of? Perompak, penyangak atau mayat hidup yang terkangkang dan bergelimpangan kotor? Sometimes, i have to believe that your lives are curses. You want speed up your life which means to shorten your life? Common, hidup ikut phases la, you are supposed to be young and sweet and bukan penyakitan hati. Find yourself dream to soar high above the sky, bukan jatuh dalam lohong hitam kelam. Nasib kamu tentukan. Remember, we are not misguided and we are happened to guide to make you, you. Bukan anasir, lanun, alien atau namakan saja apa yg kamu terikut2. Jadilah anak bangsa melayu/malaysia yang punya harga diri, punya ilmu penuh di dada sebelum berkata dan berbahasa bangga akan namamu.

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merekayasa~

2011-08-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

sedang menanda kertas

tapi saat terhenti tatkala diri mahu menaip sesuatu di sini

apa yang aku impikan tidak sebesar yang aku miliki

segala nikmat yang telah dikurnia Tuhan, syukur~

Cuma, bersabar akan sesuatu

mencipta dan merekayasa (re-engineering)

"are you insane?"degup hati mengomel.

kenapa harus menutur kata begitu

bermain nasibmu

kau tanpa malu sungguh dungu

sabar disaat belum iftar

"saya sedang puasa"

memikirkan akan pengelupasan suatu lapisan

tampak hancur sebelum kegemilangan

menggerutu mati

saat melemparkan senyuman sinis

dia mara

bertanya

"saya siapkan juga, saya pinjam buka dia dan dia"

moga kota katanya.

Saat merekayasa

hidup memang terasa berbisa

luka dalam disembur Clorox

mencuci tapi terhakis

rasa gembira.

The art of complaining

2011-08-19T12:54:00.001+08:00

I, honestly, do not have the talent

To twist

To jump upside down

To deliver

To make people wonder

I, frankly

Would ponder

upon things that hunded percently untrue

But believed

By the dumb fools

Why, why, why

How, how, how

You can smile

You can ride the talk

By enjoying the spices and seemingly perfect ingredients

Have your sense

Widen your mind

Open your eyes

You are fooled

On non-April-fool day!

dyradyana, 2011

saya bukan siapa-siapa

2011-08-18T16:47:00.001+08:00

Saya bukan anak dato'

yang bila saya mahu

saya dapatkan hampir apa sahaja

Saya bukan anak maharaja

yang bila saya arahkan

semua menurut perintah takutkan ayah saya

Saya bukan anak ahli politik

yang bila saya mengada-ngada

semua rasa saya comel

sebab nak ampu tuan mereka

Saya bukan siapa-siapa

cuma perhati dari 350 darjah

yang hairan melihat dunia

Selalu

pijak bumi tapi tak lekat tanah

terbang tinggi tapi bukan kepak sendiri

menyanyi sumbang tak tunjuk gigi

mengaku seni tapi cuma mau royalti

Alih-alih

dunia berputar lagi. Tapi bersegi.

dyradyana, 2011

He is my rubber band

2011-08-16T10:01:00.000+08:00

You stretch yourself to 1 inch
I pretend that I do not care
Then 2 inches
I feel not okay
More and more
Inches

Distant

You are in your cave

No bluetooth

No connection

Mute

When you power up yourself

Soaring and smile again

Energized by my ignorance

Gain independence

Here I am

Broken.

Dyradyana, 2011

Pet Society

2011-08-15T22:10:00.001+08:00

I am thinking of becoming a successful engineer one day, make hundred Ks.... forget about the price tag because I could buy anything *sigh

A dream left a dream.

Decision to be who's who has been made. Destiny chose me to be one of a kind. Teacher. An ambitious teacher. Ehem, ehem. I proclaim myself an ~~NOT~~ ordinary teacher who perform the duty and responsibility to the expectation of the admin and society. We, the ~~chosen~~ special ones also abide by rules.

Rule #1: Do not swear before the students / Behave yourself in any (serious) condition

In this kind of suburban school, which similar to "To Sir with Love" students, not to mention the ranking of the school is in bottom 300, we are strictly prohibited to use vulgar language nor to point fingers to those innocent children. We are the role models and angels to the students. We cannot bring stick (if possible) to prevent us becoming reptiles. Arm yourself only with preach and chalks.

Rule #2: Wear proper attire inside or outside the school compound at ALL time

I would advise this to those who care what people ~~care~~ talk about you. In my case, I live in the place where I can stumble upon almost every student and parent of the young and innocent children. They may look at you from top to toe to judge you. Be careful because, once again, you are the role models to their children. They hope you make changes. And the ones who make changes must be brilliant and PERFECT in their eyes.

#Rule 3: To be continued in next post.

P/S: How you can grow up with lots of expectations from every angle? No way! (rebel kanak2 punya style)

Ramadhan itu indah~

2011-08-13T11:33:00.001+08:00

Untitled

2011-08-13T10:23:00.001+08:00

Having thinking all of the mess, I am still waiting for no reason. For I do not know where does this waiting lead me to. I hope for you to realize one day that living half alive was not easy. But you chose that road. You chose that. Even you do not verbalise it I know. I am not so into messing with the messy room you have there, I choose to leave us. It is a hard decision. I understand that loving you is suicide, I really do not know whether should I stay or leave. But, .... I make believe that I will be happier soon because you'll do too. Insya-Allah.

Don't come back for me

2011-08-13T10:11:00.006+08:00

I wish I do not look back in anger.

I wish it is forgivable

I am really hope that the pain has the killer

I do understand that I will no longer happier

When inside me crowded with emptiness

Look at me now

The heart is flying round the jar of heart

It is leaving

Somewhere could not be found.

The empty boxes get the attention and so dear.

2011-08-06T01:29:00.000+08:00

Pasti, kepastian yang penuh rasa pahit

Lantas diuli dengan pepejal asing

Lalu lembap dengan larutan hijau kotor

Asing, kau semakin asing

Melenturkan secebis nikmat dan percaya

Lemas, lepas, bebas,

terbang bersama hablur tepu tapi lutsinar

Aku saat percaya cahaya semakin kabur

Semakin luntur

Semakin lemah lajunya

Mengapa harus dewata raya menunjuk kuasanya

Saat kegelapan membelah jiwa alam

Lalu harus kemana tuju sang Pheonix

Di kala mentari meminjam sinar

Kerana aku bukan

Sang puteri lindungan bulan.

Tidak lagi

2011-08-06T01:28:00.000+08:00

Kenapa manusia sentiasa punya pilihan dan selalu mereka tersalah pilih ( atau betul Cuma kurang tepat), aku adalah manusia yang kerap musykil dan akan sentiasa mempersoalkan kelebihan orang yang boleh membuat pilihan tapi tidak sedar akan kelebihan tersebut. Bersyukur la kau nak, pilihanmu akan membentuk jalan hidupmu, juga, pilihanmu akan mencorak warna hidupmu, dan percaya atau tidak, pilihanmu boleh mengancam atau menjamin bahagiamu. Aku Cuma ingin kau tahu bahawasanya kau punya pilihan. Penentu nasibmu adalah usahamu. Belajarlah memilih dengan cara yang paling tepat. Mungkin kurang selamat tapi pengakhirannya menjanjikan aman, atau pilihan selamat tapi sedari atau tidak, jalan penuh liku.

Aku pernah berada di berapa ketika dan saat harus memilih . It was a life-changing moment. Aku harus memilih cita-cita aku dan cita-cita orang tuaku. Aku juga harus memilih samada memilih masa depanku atau cinta. Dan ketahuilah aku bukan pemilih yang tepat. Dan akhirku juga penuh liku. Punya takdir sebegini bikin aku semakin risau akan pengakhiranku. Adakah aku di landasan yang akhirnya mencapai destinasi pilihanku sendiri atau kelam dalam sesalku. Tiada kesudahan bagi mereka yang sentiasa menoleh. Aku mahu percaya happy ending wujud pada setiap yang percaya akan wujudnya ia. Aku mahu percaya ending aku pasti seindah yang aku lakarkan.

Cuma aku tak percaya akan cinta lagi. Aku sudah tak bisa mencintai lagi. Aku sudah membenci cinta. Sudah penat mencinta dan hanya ada Cuma rasa takut akan hati ini berbunga ros hitam. Biarlah ia tandus dari punya duri tajam menikam. Aku terlalu kecewa bila saat bahagia di puncak, dia lantas tinggalkan aku dan pilih yang lain. Ya, aku terus terang rasanya semahu mati. Aku benci kerana aku percaya cinta, lagi dan lagi. Dan biarlah rasa ini terkubur mati. Biar Tuhan tentukan aku hanya akan bersama dia yang Cuma punya rasa cinta pada Yang Esa. Dan bukan padaku, aku lebih rela.

Tetapi, tidak akan.

Tidak mungkin lagi.

Who do you think you are?

2011-07-16T01:57:00.005+08:00

Past Life Analysis (click here) and it will diagnose you to who you were in the past life.

I was male and a warrior.Huh? Padan asyik nak fight je. ^ ^

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Mongolia around the year 1300. Your profession was that of a warrior, hunter, fisherman or executor of sacrifices.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:

You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:

You should develop self-love and ability to implant hope into hearts of people. Ambition is not everything. True wealth is buried in your soul.

Do you remember now? Haziqah. Ingatkah kau masih akan beribu tahun yang lepas?

Kalau dicongak dengan kehidupan aku ni, memang la, aku Pendekar Hebat yang warrior, hunter semua cukup. Am an independent girl dari kecik, tak sempat kena spoiled (Form 2) da kena hantaq pegi seberang laut boarding school. amek ko, kna jd survivor! Nak hidup.

Cuma ada banyak cita-cita aku yang masih kabur. Aku kenal sorang ni, dia banyak ajar aku. ajar aku senyum balik. berlari. jatuh dan bangun lagi. Dia tak pernah rasa tak sayang diri atau rendah diri walau dia berada pada kedudukan di bawah bola bumi. Entah aku kagum la dengan dia walau dia nampak biasa. Dia yakin. Dia terus berlari. Dia tak melatah. Dia da berpunya, haha. Sayang di situ.

Aku pada masa dulu dan aku pada masa sekarang tak banyak beda. Aku cuma ada apa yang masa dulu aku kurang, Itu je kot. Aku kini lebih vokal kot ^ ^

Tak tertahankan

2011-06-19T19:39:00.001+08:00

I hope for myself being okay with everything but it turns differently. I am not okay and not in better condition. In fact, I am trapped in the world of not my own. Saya tak cukup kuat bila saya memang tak kuat dengan keadaan yang pura-pura kuat sedangkan lemah kerana tak mahu lemah dan mahu dianggap kuat supaya saya stay strong and can live my life. Menjadi berani dan kuat juga ada cabaran yang kuat menekan-nekan saraf tunjang supaya menjadi lemah mengikut stigma masyarakat bahawa perempuan itu lemah. Juga, menurut keadaan yang berpindah randah kekuatan terkecamuk menjadi asing lalu seperti ikan buntal pecah perutnya.I am not okay. I am not okay when I have to take the burdens of others. I am not okay when they can chitchat happily and I did the responsibilities tergeliat2 by my own. I am not okay with people who just point their fingers and know nothing but promoting herself/himself that they did all(can do all).

One more thing, I am not okay when I am thinking so loud, put into words and type here.

I am not okay but only can smile because I have terrific Chiko accompanying me.

The passion to teach

2011-04-29T11:10:00.001+08:00

When everyone is against you, when you are eager to improve, to do anything possible so that the children realize their dream,

When you stop, yet falling down, sinking, and nobody throws rope and laugh at your mistake step,

When you dream of success, when you live your dream,

When you mingle with everyone, being nice and offer no harm,

When you have the power and people disregard your responsibility,

When you have done all that possible,

When you do something for yourself and for all,

When you brave the world,

When you smile,

When you rise,

When you offer your hand,

When everything turns as flaw,

When you are a grown girl, there you are at such state.

NhDh, 2011

AM PLAYING A FLUTE

2011-03-27T23:48:00.000+08:00

I managed to arrive at school around 7.30 p.m. Quite impressed with myself because I could find my way to SMKAJ. It is somewhere located at the North of Sungai Petani, the place that am not familiar with. Am not good at reading map. Kenapa la terpaksa mengaku. admit that I am. Nasib tak pegi Bandar Aman Jaya. Jenuh sesat la kat sana. We have a healthy breakfast, sandwich and hot drinks. Nah, ada mee juga. I could not take it pagi2 buta. But, ada juga sket I put on my plate^_^

We started our first session with the introduction of Form 5 Literature Component, the poems and the novel.
Sometimes I feel like hating literature so much because I need to read those not because for the sake of pleasure but for me to lecture. The poem by the Jamaican is nice and we could make our students to RELATE/LINK, OBSERVE, WONDER and SENSE the poem in the FUN WAY. The formula is OWLS.

Now, the second poem does not really interesting, my personal view. Kinda typical one. Anyone got interesting way to teach the 'flute' poem?

The novel, "Catch Us If You Can" sangat menyayat hati and is about the bond of granda and his grandson. The PPD team gave us good idea to teach it using song, "My Way".

The last activity we do was presenting our suggestion of GOOD lesson plans, as usual, the production stage. Kak Aini sang a song and I found that she is very strong emotionally. I am very sorry to know that her husband passed away last year. And the fact that she was one of SMPLM teaching team previously. I could feel her, emotionally. The feeling of losing the beloved one. My beloved mother had to leave when I was in a hard time. The AEs. the final term. I do not blame anyone but this makes me, ME. I am stronger than I know myself. Hope they rest in peace and God bless them~

Not to be forgotten, our group member, Kak Sharmila, Kak Thilaga, Kak Normala, Kak Zaidah, Kak Corina and Kak Ooi. Very bubbly and all are gorgeous super STARS. The ALL STAR group ^__^
sangat best! Naseb presentation ada tu LCD, if not doom la idea bernas kita (; I learn so much today, the experienced teachers were all enthuasiastic, energetic and lively. I represent the young batch should count our blessings and should never burn out so fast. We have long way to run and the long road never easy, man.
Well, the words of the day, there is never a LOYAL ROAD when it comes to learning. So, find many ways to gain knowledge and look at from different angles through different kind of TEACHERS. Yeay!

Hairan

2011-03-20T22:38:00.003+08:00

I went to 'Nice Couple' Bookshop for xerox. (I named them as nice couple because the Indian wife and the Chinese husband always give discount to me when it comes to xerox, hihi)
Then, while waiting, an Indian guy entered, seemed just went back from working( at 9pm) was looking for a pencil case.
For his daughter. Or perhaps for a son.
Statement yg agak racist," It is rare to see my own race balik-balik dari kerja go directly to bookshop finding stationery or books to suffice the physical needs for their workers (the students-their children)
Normally, our Malay fathers go back home and ask to our mothers, Minum! Makan! Nak rehat ni".
Sapa pun dia, sangat kagum dengan pakcik ini.
I hope his children will be the good ones in future and return all his kindness. What a caring dad he is. He deserves good children. I admire his love towards his children. Abah, I miss you at this moment. You too has done all you might to grow us up until we become so besar, tinggi panjang. Thanks abah.

The wind: coming and going

2011-03-10T00:02:00.002+08:00

They are young at heart

Poor for some of my school children. They want to grow faster. Live like adults. Pretend like ones. Such a waste of their teen hood. Though some of them are intentionally stuck in their childhood, they got to move on. But, still. Unmoved. They shout and cry like babies. They play and laugh for the world to smile. They are sunshine. They all do. I told them so. They do young, they do growing. But, they won't understand that the world will never happily all time nor treat them nicely. They got to face and survive. Cruelty is everywhere.

Students are their names. Learning are their ~~temporary~~ perpetual job. They got to work hard and smart in order to succeed in their career. No choice but drill. No excuse, but read. Do they know that berakit-rakit ke hulu........................bersenang-senang kemudian really works for everyone's life. They can prove to you. All of us might. So, please. My lovely babies, you guys really have to work it out. Show us what you might do. Learn in everywhere. Anywhere. With anyone. Learn something. Mistakes are your masters. Do learn! DO LEARN! Do learn!

Semalam dan esok

2011-03-08T00:38:00.001+08:00

If the other place has rainbow too

And if I have the key to pass through both. Only if...

But blur

I want to go somewhere I belong

'_'

Lukisan kita~

2011-03-07T01:56:00.002+08:00

Hidup ini umpama lukisan yang sangat berwarna-warni.
Tinggal kita nak corakkannya dengan kreatif, abstrak mahupun secara konservatif. Namun, hakikatnya, kita tak selalu dapat pegang berus cat dengan betul, kadang kita menguap tercalit jadi hodoh dan pelik, kadang kita teralit(alpa) lantas kita tersalah warna.
Kita punya pilihan untuk berehat seketika ataupun mewarna tanpa henti. Kita punya satu matlamat. Mewarna sampai habis. Atau dalam kata lain, menyiapkan sebuah lukisan indah buat tatapan mereka. Demi kepuasan peribadi mahupun untuk laku di mata mereka. Persekitaran boleh membantu. Turut, membantut. Terus sahaja melukis kerana matlamat dituju tak kira cepat mahupun lambat, kita juga yang putuskan masa. Kita melukis biar cantik. Kita mewarna, biar sekata. Mahu tak mahu, mereka melihat dan membaca kita. MUngkin yang kita mahu kelak lukisan kita terpampang indah. Bukan masuk dalam tong sampah.

Throw me a rope

2011-02-23T21:58:00.004+08:00

selamat petang ahad

2011-01-22T12:52:00.000+08:00

hari-hari begini boleh bikin aku hypertensi, bikin asma, bikin segala macam penyakit yang aku tak ada, wujud. tapi aku masih bersykur ke hadrat-Nya aku masih bernafas, masih boleh berlari mengejar kucing, masih boleh melakukan perkara di atas sedar. segala berlaku, biarlah berlaku. no reason to cry the river for the everything that has happened to me. The reason for me to breathe is here. titik mula kembali. jam berputar dr pukul 12.01. nah, aku harus mengejar waktu. tapi segalanya pasti boleh. meluah di sini takkan bisa merubah keadaan. tapi aku yakin, Tuhan pasti bersamaku dlm perjalananku ini. Rahmat-Nya yang tak pernah putus, meraih badanku saat aku jatuh, itu pasti. yeay, aku bakal ditemuduga. siapa? apa soalannya?

let's study few things. gain some info. satu langkah melastik ke bintang***********

Have a bad day

2010-11-15T19:04:00.000+08:00

Everyone got talent. Everyone has flaws. Everyone could do anything if they try and put their heart to it. Today, I failed. I thought I can almost do everything. did not know I could not perform this job until the time has arrived. Oh, no. Bikin malu. A 24 years old girl did not know how to use a TYPEWRITER. It is not that ancient. I used to type using it when I was 14. But, I totally forgot how to function it. I am lost. Luckily I got Pn. Aw, Mr. Vela and Mr.Zahari. They were so nice and helpful. A pile of works have done today. I feel relief though tertinggal kegembiraan hari ini.Tinggal sehari lagi sebelum cuti akhir tahun bermula. Yeay, I love holidays. I love to travel, I love to bersukaria dgn kluarga terchenta....Can't wait.

A letter to him

2010-10-22T00:58:00.002+08:00

Dear Mr. X,

I am writing to you to ask you about few things.

First, where have you been when I need you the most?

Second, when will be the time WE go traveling around the world?

Third, I am so nervous to meet you, are you ready to accept me for who I am and never change the way I am?

Mr. X,

You, You exist on this effing earth. You are not perfect. You are a normal guy just like the men that I've ever known before. I believe you will have difficulty to understand ~~girl~~ me and my wants. Surely, it is hard to accept a clumsy girl like me. LIKE ME. Drop things, always and always. It is for sure that I can make you ashamed when you are with me. Watch this out. I have the characteristic of Joyah too. Sometimes, I can talk non-stop and for some time I can be strangely quiet. Can be serious and boring too (influence by the so called PMS). I am not a clown that can cheer you up all the time. You need to remember this. Never ever yell at me or else I'll cry like hell.

Dearest Mr. X,

You need to know that I am going to marry you not because you are perfect. Because you always want to improve yourself. So, work ~~hard~~ smart to increase the amount of your salary. There should be no words like jobless or got fired. You are the HEAD and act like one. Yes, you are the leader but do walk besides me. I am here to correct you, to ease you or to protect you from a lot of harm. Every succesful man has a lady to support him, not FEW ladies to support him. Anyhow, I always need you to be around and comfort me. You are my world, and you should ~~at least try~~ understand me. You are part of me, so do not get apart from me.

I'll continue writing to you later. Lastly, our relationship is based on I need you to UNDERSTAND me, and you need me to RESPECT you. We should work it out. Till then, I will always love you now, tomorrow and ever after (the day I'll close my eyes).

Kerdil

2010-10-17T21:37:00.000+08:00

Hari ini aku diserang virus flu. Ntah dapat dari mana. 3 in 1. Super Combo. Headache, running nose, watery eyes, cough bla bla bla. Sungguh rasa tak sopan mengajar dalam keadaan yang serba tak selesa ini. Apalagi kena guna chalk. Tapi, saya berjaya bertahan sampai waktu assembly. Syukur, alhamdulillah. Tapi, rasa sakit dan pedih ini mungkin juga ditambah rasa rindu dan rasa tak cukup forum bila anis dan kak wan tidak lagi bersama-sama 'bercinta' dengan budak-budak tu.

Esok saya doa/harap sangat-sangat sakit ini beransur pergi bak angin menderu. Bukan sebab tak tahan azab sakit tapi.....Reason 1: tak mampu nak pergi klinik swasta untuk amek MC n medicine, xmampu(apparently dengan gaji yang belum keluar selama 3bulan berkhidmat ni...broke time study dulu pon tak se'payah' ini) Reason 2: Tak tahu jalan nak ke Klinik Bakar Arang..(walau da 3bulan bermastautin di bumi bertuah SP ni, saya masih tidak biasa dengan jalan-jalan kecuali jalan-jalan utama)

Harap esok saya sembuh. Amin Ya Rahim.

Sama

2010-10-16T15:58:00.003+08:00

Akhir-akhir ini, hidup sangat bosan, sangat sibuk. hidup hanya dengan melakukan perkara yang sama tiap hari. "ALWAYS" adalah perkara yang berlaku setiap kali. saya sudah berada di zone selesa di mana saya tidak lagi mencuba pekara-perkara baru. Amat membimbangkan. I am not at ease. Situasi yang tidak patut berlaku pada seorang novice teacher. Novice teacher ataupun guru permulaan merupakan gelaran saya. Penyapu baru pula antara gelaran yang saya raih(diberi oleh seorang senior). Bangga? Oh tidak. saya punya pelbagai tanggungjawab untuk dilaksanakan. baik sekarang, nanti atau akan datang. semuanya sudah diatur rapi. "U r no longer the baby!" Gembira dapat junior 2bulan tapi hati kecil saya tetap yakin yang saya memikul setong/ seunit tan/ berbonggol-bonggol tanggungjawab yang saya sendiri tak dapt bayangkan. ini merupakan cabaran, halangan kepada usaha ataupun keyakinan seorang kerdil yang baru menapak dalam profesion serba menduga ini. Saya dah tak larat nak memikirkan bila la nak siap laporan orientasi ni, tak larat nak fikir bilakah saya dapat menanda semua kerta esei pelajar-pelajar saya yang bertimbun tu. The same things happen. Bola tu cuma berpusing-pusing pada tempat yang sama. Cuba la disepak ke tempat baru sekali sekala. Sama. Mengeluh lagi.

H.A.P.P.Y

2010-10-08T00:22:00.001+08:00

We tend to make others happy ~~in order to stay happy~~

We tend to get near people who are happy ~~so we do not feel alone and sad~~

We yearn for happiness ~~(not frustration or sadness~~)

We live life and certainly would like to be happy ever after ~~(sometimes it last temporarily)~~

Happy is a big issue ~~easy reload~~

Happy is the resolution for everyone

(Happy to be slimmer, happy to be better in career, happy to achieve the dream)

Though, for some people they need to live separately in order to gain happiness

They need to be apart to love ~~and beloved~~

They need to keep mum ~~makan hati~~ to let him/her smile

Apparently, we are on our sweats when we lose the happiness

Realizing happiness sometimes/always needs sacrifice

It’s easy for some people, it’s almost impossible for some others

For whatever reason for us to live, we yearn for satisfaction and happiness

Do smile and let others be happy. Cheer up and cheer the people around you. You’ll be happy then, for sure.

^_______^

indifferent and different is no different

2010-09-02T02:42:00.001+08:00

These few weeks, I've spent my life differently. I am different person, I can feel it. I've grown mentally to understand that life is never easy. It is a core business for everyone. To live means that we need satisfaction, food, shelter, clothes and perhaps CONVENIENCE. Convenience comes with a price. Means we need to give something in order to gain CONVENIENCE in return. Speaking of CONVENIENCE, I can smell none essence of it. I am not capable to reach it. Why? Is it because I live in an unfair world? Or am I meant to be an always unskilled gambler? I understand that it is nothing to do with how far I give in. It is how far I count my blessings and wait patiently. Understand this still makes me wonder, WHEN, WHEN, WHEN...convenience will come to me and lit the light?

Oh.oh my official first 5 classes. I would like to tell you the cup is not empty yet. You can't predict me. Yes you can judge me. A month has passed and I am still here. No, am not replacing the old teacher. Am the new one. The beginning and the amateur. The fresh blood to you. I am you. I am proud of myself that today I have none complaints about you. You are my inspirations, my experiments, my everything that trigger me to break my leg, to smile, to hate, to love, to cry, to encounter various emotions and to the extend that makes me hit my head on the wall. I do love you, my children. All the shit and the sweet things you do are welcomed and highly appreciated. It makes us to be closer and closer in that sense.

Complaints? Again and again? Love fails me again? Do I really need love from man? He(s) is from other planet. How should I long for an alien? How should I? Complicated and leave it to God? I should solve something. I should fix something. Repairing heart is never an easy job. It took 2 years to heal and again, it was broken, easily. EASY. This is not an easy reload. This is a bloody heart. My heart. I need to fix it. Hate and revenge cannot fix heart. They do ruin most of the time. Pretending like nothing happened hurts me more. Addiction to this kind of love is unwanted and a waste. If I can remove it.... If I can just put gum to fix those pieces of heart to feel like I am seventeen. Again. I'd love to.

I am very close to add number to my precious age. It is in coming. I should find fresh water, trees, soil, air, ocean and any natural sense to comfort me. I feel better that way. I need to yell, to scream hysterically. I am not a young girl anymore. "Act like a woman, please!" I need to be there; near beach and watch sunset. It is a new hope. It is the day that I wish I can appreciate myself more. I neglect my needs, my desire for too long. Now is payback time. I want to TRAVEL. My dreams should come true.

Tak mungkin kerna sayang.

2010-08-20T23:56:00.001+08:00

Tersengih sendiri malah tersenyum lagi. Mentari hadir lagi membawa bayu serta sinar yang menyeri. Cuma aku di sini. Bermain sama bayang-bayang. Pendek. Panjang. Senget. Lurus. Aku. Itu aku. Sepi itu selalu juga aku. Cuma bahagia tiba tak terjangka. Sekejap tapi cukup buat aku tersenyum kala sendiri. Langkah yang sering tersasar ini sering mengganggu aku.Mengingatkan ‘footprints’ yg sudah hilang kesannya. Mengapa? Mengapa sekarang? Menanti itu suatu penyeksaan. Nah, aku tersenyum lg dgn bayang-bayang sendiri. Cuma aku. Dan bayang-bayang. Titik.

friends, needless to say goodbye

2010-06-23T01:40:00.001+08:00

we'll meet again.

we'll talk again.

we'll sit together again.

we'll laugh together again.

we'll fight, cry and rekindle,

we'll started all over again.(in a dream)

i hope it is.

i hope we have another semester and i have to come over Sabah.

But it is only hope.(we have finished, that's it)

I believe ONE day I have the chance to meet you, to hug you, to talk to you,to erase this pain,it is unbearable I cannot tolerate with.

See you soon. Friends, I do miss you.

Hello...anyone out there?

2010-05-20T18:28:00.000+08:00

Anyone who has found my wallet? My F. Timber wallet...Please, please keep it for a while. Thanks because you do inform me. Terima kasih sangat2. Sorry, I cannot online often. Can you, please contact my phone number, 013-2969657 / 0172112959
Can you contact me soon! Thank you very much.

Tuhan, hilangkan kesedihanku~

2010-04-06T21:11:00.001+08:00

Semoga arwah dirahmati di dunia sana.

I love you mak…love you so much.

My hero....Tsk..Tsk

2010-03-28T17:25:00.000+08:00

http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1269766107171RA69

Go Away Negative Energy, shuh shuh!

2010-03-28T15:47:00.005+08:00

Negative energy attracts negative events and situations.

Positive energy attracts positive events and situations.

Your energy is based on your thoughts and beliefs.

If you find that you're getting exactly what you don't want
or

you're not getting what you want

then you're simply sending out the negative energy.

People are not consciously aware of your energy but they just
develop a feeling about you
based on your energy.

If you constantly think of the worst, if you find that you're

always negative, if you don't believe that you can ever achieve

anything, if you don't believe that anybody can be good, if you

constantly complain, if you always see the worst in situations,

if you regularly put others down,

if you're just a -ve person

you will develop negative energy and in the end you'll only attract

more negative situations into your life.

Being negative is really a no win situation.

So?

Focus on positive situations.

Look for solutions instead of complaining.

Be more understanding .

Embrace changes.

my 1/2

2010-03-28T02:00:00.001+08:00

YOU

untitled

2010-02-25T10:51:00.003+08:00

Truly an eternal love ~

2010-02-22T22:47:00.001+08:00

An enlightening video from which men & women should inspire themselves! May Allah (SWT) bless the Prophet Muhammad SAW...

Hope all muslim can follow his sunnah and become true khalifah in the family.

Hope that I can be a good wife like Siti Khadijah and has a very good spouse who practise sunnah of Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.amin!

~ sweet ~

2010-02-20T07:49:00.002+08:00

sukaaaa sangaaat lagu ni!!!

~ Love does....produce wonders ~

2010-02-19T08:56:00.005+08:00

When U have NOTHING to fall back on,
LOVE BECOMES the savior,
WHen U have NONSENSE things to say,
LOVE speaks and yeah, it makes sense to you,
LOVE has the magic,
LOVE gives us power,
to live, to bravely face the misery.
Walking through the darkness and hold the light,
it makes us tougher, then feel better,
happier,
No, nothing can stop US,
Sinking together,
Swimming
Sinking again,
Again and again,
Alas and alack,
Smiles,
TOTAL AND REAL HAPPINESS produced by L.O.V.E.

I love you,
LOVE

^ ishq ^

2010-02-16T23:40:00.010+08:00

You are my raft in the rapids of life
You are my peace in the midst of strife
You are the shore to a shipwrecked soul
You are the bridge to a lifelong goal
You are the finish of an olympic run
You are the shine when there is no sun
You are a rope when I start to fall...

- Brett Coulter -

I hope you can make a PERFECT 'we'...

Jinakkan AKU :Perempuan...

2010-02-16T10:46:00.008+08:00

AKAL SETIPIS RAMBUTNYA, TEBALKAN DENGAN ILMU, HATI SERAPUH KACA, KUATKAN DENGAN IMAN, PERASAAN SELEMBUT SUTERA, HIASILAH DENGAN AKHLAK .

^ i feel sorry ^

2010-02-16T02:34:00.006+08:00

i felt guilty,
of being the reason,
putting u there,
in a dangerous zone.

i felt bad,
when i heard you scream like hell,
asking for help,
AND your mum was not around.

I hope you are doing good there~
I hope you could forgive me~
I hope you enter the heaven peacefully...

love,

dyradyana

... Google Search..lol

2010-02-07T18:25:00.003+08:00

Hillarious!

~Redha~

2010-02-07T17:48:00.006+08:00

Makin kita mendekatiNya,
Makin kita diuji...
Makin banyak doa,
Makin banyak ujian menimpa...
Kerana segala yang dipinta tak datang dengan segera...
Tapi ia akan diperolehi apabila kita berjaya mengharunginya...
Kerana Allah tak memberi apa yang kita mahu tapi Dia memberi apa ynag kita perlu..

2010-02-03T09:22:00.003+08:00

Ponder upon what he has told me : what I want is totally different with what I need.

^ what matter ^

2010-02-03T09:13:00.001+08:00

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Once, I always think that love is easy to come and go. That I could heal as fast as I could (God willing). As a matter of fact, love isn't easy to go. No matter how much effort is put to chase away the love, it stays. Longer than expected. Looking back those years, I miss the good moments. Although currently we have different directions, I am not leaving the memory behind, I keep it for the sake of I cherish those PERFECT moments.

To be loved and love someone is culturally nature in any human. Couple and spouses always show the passion, the love that grow faster days by days. If it deteriorated, it will changed into hatred or love in form of 'dendam'. Yet, I don't believe in this kind of love, What is it for? It fails you as good human being. It destroy the happiness awaiting for you.

Is it true that if we are NOT in the same direction, now we lost? No we are not. I am not. I keep myself clear that my direction is similar as the RAINBOW...Colourful and I may happy at some time, I may fall down at any moment. I am the King of my direction. I am my direction. I lead to the better way. No matter how I am tore apart, I still know where I am going. I may PICK you up along the journey...if only you stay for the lifetime...I further my journey with YOU...

mengong~

2010-01-27T19:47:00.004+08:00

awat la cheq bbrp hari ni cm x bgus mood je.rasa nak nanes je.marka da la xda. tp xpa, ada marka pon wat saket hati watpa. ish, x suka la perasaan ni. is it related to pms.maka cepat2la habis. rndu sgt2 nk menadah tangan kt dia. rndu nk bca ayat2 yg menggembirakan dan menenangkan. cheq rasa nk teriak ja masa ni....cheq rasa lemah sgt....cheq kena kuat.kena bersemangat! tp cheq cm da ilang smgt. mcmn la cheq nk hadapi saat2 as'ment bertimpa-timpa nnt.......cheq cuba la hadapi stress yg melanda ni dgn baik.cheq kan TOUGH. insya-Allah, semoga urusan cheq dipermudahkan.amin

I talk crap@_@#*)^%)

2010-01-26T18:18:00.008+08:00

I am serious about me, talking crap. I haven't actually know how to write. I am blunt. I am straight forward. I can't keep secret. So negatively uttered.

I am sometimes so pessimist kind of person. Always have inferiority complex, to the extent that I couldn't perform at my best when I believe that I can soar above the sky.

The personal matters and unresolved issues, all mixed up and make me frail and weaker.
I admit I am not that strong. Although appearing as 'tough' in various aspects, well am not 100%. I am just an ordinary. SUPER DUPER ordinary. Standing like this, I am a bit relief. judge me! judge me! I am no NOTHING.I am SUPER DUPER ordinary human being on earth.

Listening to...

2010-01-25T00:29:00.002+08:00

Shouldn't have walked away
I would have stayed if you said
We could have made everything okay
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I�m still on the ground

I couldn't have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Supernatural love conquers all
Remember we used to touch the sky

And lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I
Said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love's a gift
But we let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Come on babe can our love be revived?
Bring it back and we gona make it right
I'm on the edge just trying to survive
As the angels cry

Limitless omnipresent kind of love
Couldn't have guessed it
Would just stop
And disappear in a whirlwind
Here I am walking on this narrow road
Wobbling but won't let go
Waiting for a glimpse of the sun's glow

I know I can stand just pull me back up
But there ain't a hurricane it's just us
I'm willing to live and die for our love
Baby we can get back that shine

Cause lightning don't strike
The same place twice
When you and I
Said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
'Cause true love's a gift
But we let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Come on babe can our love be revived?
Bring it back and we gona make it right
I'm on the edge just trying to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I'm missing you
Don't allow our love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Baby I'm missing you
Don't allow our love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I'm reaching for you

Lightning don't strike
The same place twice
You and I
Said goodbye
Felt the angels cry
'Cause true love's a gift
We let it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

I am touched by this song, ANGELS CRY. as I have the same kind of feeling, deep and frustrated but HOPE. there is hope that I don't know why hang me up there. no matter how I want to forget, I'll remember single piece of puzzle completing the memory. Hard. But I have to let go. He is not the one that would be my MR. Right. He would rather care about himself, self-centered as he always be. I always recollect the memory and I am the only one who CARE.

should I blew the candle? should I pour petrol? should I just sit and watch where the light goes. With little hope and prayers.

Am reading this book...

2010-01-24T14:18:00.000+08:00

till then

I L.O.V.E exam

2010-01-23T09:59:00.000+08:00

who doesn't? Exam is when I got A's and I am so happy. Exam is when I can see the proud look on my parents' faces (long time ago....time kecik2). punya bangga .ngeee

For exam, we are tested, emotionally, spiritually and intellectually. In fact, some might feel that we are at stake of life and death when we are facing exam.

I love exam, I love it when it can stop me from wandering and make me stay focus. I love it when I feel that it is the only moment that I can prove to my parents that I am doing good here that I am doing SOMETHING MEANINGFUL.

As for me, exam isn't that bad. I can smell my own SELF when I am about to sit for any exam. Wanting the best, pray hard, nervous, fever..all come into one. COMBO...

Well I am not the one who study earlier. I am overnight person. Procrastinator is my name. bikin malu. I am about to change. It is/was my ever resolution for years. Risky and bikin rosak otak because I need to cover many things in a short period of time. Yet, I can't deny that sometimes the MAGIC works. sometimes it COULD have killed me.

To make the magic works, is to believe in ourselves. With the desire to win YOU, always build trust in YOU. success will come like magnet stick with you ...no doubt!

petang yang damai~

2010-01-05T16:31:00.002+08:00

hari ini aku corak petang dgn resolusi tahun baru yg aku harap akan tegar berjaya. percaya, atau tidak, atas aku.depan aku.tepi aku.yg penting dari aku. pasti boleh pasti mampu.cuma semangat itu janganlah hilang.janganlah ribut twister di tengahari.biarlah terik smpai ke petang. aku dah SEMANGKIT= semangat + bangkit.

rindu dan cinta, haruslah pergi.harus la ke sana. tinggalkan aku. sbb aku harap ampuh bdiri. tanpa kelibat, tanpa bayang-bayang. cuma diriku, jasadku berdiri di sini.

tinggalkan matahari. kiblatku bukan ke arahmu.

dua ribu sepuluh hadir pertama kali

2010-01-02T21:59:00.002+08:00

my resolution for the year

>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>

be a GOOD girl and never uncertain to help the people in need!

be a very GOOD daughter; sister; friend; student to THEM that i love!

always counting my blessing on my absolute BEAUTIFUL life and lessen regrets!

be healthier and richer! better days by days!

ameen...

2009-11-17T23:00:00.001+08:00

semoga siap academic exercise ini.ameeen...

i'm doing my job.

2009-08-11T22:44:00.005+08:00

lately, i get annoyed easily. why n why? supposedly, i should be positive and accept that people make mistakes.once.twice.thrice and there are cases that they continuously make mistakes. what should i do with these fella?
for each one,
should i punch his head, jumping backtrast him and so on?should a teacher behave like one?

oh ne..no....

i should be patient.teaching needs a lot of patience& passion to stand the tension .

recipe of the day: TOUCH THEM BY HEART, they'll remember you for lifetime.

i am tired, tired of YOU!

2009-08-09T16:15:00.003+08:00

School Memoir

2009-08-04T21:36:00.006+08:00

with my buddy at skul...bkudaz at canteen, berserius at staffroom...

gona miss moment 8 smkkl

BENAR.

2009-07-17T20:41:00.005+08:00

I LOVE MY JOB

I LOVE MY JOB

I LOVE MY JOB

I LOVE MY JOB

YES, I DO

i hate you, i suppose

2009-04-19T23:28:00.005+08:00

i should have hate you
i should have forgot you
i know i should
i should not see you
i should not believe in you
yes i should not
i know i should not

should i love you? should i not?
who are you that dare to hurt me this much..
i am ill, now am frail

why u? why u running through my head?
all the time
all night long, all day long
i am ill, now am frail
who are you? how dare you...

delapan haribulan empat dua 0 0 sembilan

2009-04-08T18:37:00.004+08:00

saya menyaksikan hari ini penamat. akan kesakitan, akan kelemahan hati seorg insan. saya yakin saya kuat.saya yakin saya akan sempat mengutip kembali sisa2 diri dan berdiri.bukan utk berlawan, tapi utk menjadi kawan. saya sedar saya hampir mati, saya sedar saya ikutkan hati,tp saya manusia, saya insan biasa, punya rasa ingin terbang, punya rasa dan angan yg terlalu melayang-layang!

biarkan hati ini terus terkunci, biarkan
biarkan saja langit mendung menutup dan menyurami bumi
biarkan sahaja
kerana itu suatu keadaan
yg menimbulkn saat mentari yang mencerah itu indah
saat pelangi hadir mampu membuang resah
pasti ya
pahit menjadikan rasa manis itu istimewa
pedas itu membuahkan satu nikmat tak terkata

tiap nikmat bersulamkan pahit dan lelah
tiap sukses lahir dr bersusah-susah bukan dok saja

pasti anda bingung kenapa saya merepek lagi, kerna hari ni saya mengerti
sangat mengerti
saya mulai menghargai tiap nafas ini

menutup tertutup sengaja mengatup

2009-03-29T22:55:00.005+08:00

aku merasakan aneh terhadap suatu perasaan membelenggu
seperti berada di dalam kotak kerdil di dalam kotak sederhana di dalam kotak sederhana besar dan kotak yg lg besar
perasaan itu tidak memuncak tp menyengat seperti tebuan mnyengat di mata keningku
berdenyut sakit teramat
kesakitan itu menggigit pedih
aneh
pelik
aku tidak menjerit
dan menahan sakit itu dgn senyuman
dgn tawa
dgn pmisah rasa antara tipu dan nyata
nyata drama class membantu perilaku ku utk lebih berhati2
bukan utk mbuahkn sbuah lakonan seni
tapi membimbing aku kearah lebih berani
bermain dgn ekspresi diri

ibarat tempurung yg dipecahkan oleh katak yg terperangkap berkurun lama
aku BEBAS
lepas dr lemas
akan ku berlari pada SATU yg pasti
mwujudkan ketenangan pada tiap rasaku
biar aku pergi
biar aku lari
biar aku menari
lelah itu pasti terlena
jaga itu pasti tertutup

Jangan ditangisi dunia

2009-03-19T00:30:00.001+08:00

#1 Describe 10 things about the person who tag you

1. Kekasih gelapku.ngeh3x
2. She comes out with the idea that "Sleeping can cure"
3. Arab woman look, with the colour contact lens lagi la mjadi2 pdapat ini..hihi
4. Stiasa berkelakuan ayu tp ketawa memecahkn stadium negara
5. Wajib mengalas muka dgn alas2 yg sempurna utk mwujudkn kyakinan yg mantap=)
6. Do as much as she can to please that someone.triangle love la kot;) kekasih gelap get jeles sometimes.keh3
7. Dpt grammar test 14 out of 15.terer wo!
8. Menyanyi dgn kemantapan dan gaya sdiri.kjayaan xdlupakn- menyampaikn lagu imran ajmain-"seribu tahun"
9. Komited dgn janji-janji yg ditampal d dinding dkt katilnya..janji kasih ka 2?;)
10. The most best LISTENER that I have…although quality time ktowg amatla kurang.kekasih gelap la katakn

#2 Describe 10 things about you

1. Tough (emotionally, physically kot) keh3
2. Suka bersukan, Cuma xbkesempatan
3. Simple je appearance kita
4. Always try to force reading, does not work all the time, a lot to catch up~ waaaa
5. Suka mghabiskan masa dgn aktiviti xberpekdah, menyesal kmudian, xreti2 bahasa, wat juga
6. Open talker, open listener.thus, people always misjudge me!
7. Melakukn sesuatu dgn perasaan, jadi klu xde mood, alamat xmjadi la krja itu!
8. Vin diesel perna menjadi kegemaran, dan tetap kegemaran…
9. Family is my priority, aku blaja 6tahun ni pon dedicate utk mak abah tsyg, kakak2 n adik kukasihi
10.Suka menulis apa2 ntah kat blog, wlau dkutuk diapa2kn, silakn.aku sedia terima teguran dan kritikan mbina, kerna, ini>>>>>>>aku

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tidak mudah utk mnyatakan perasaan kita yg sebenar ttg sseorang kita syg, yg kita perna sakiti…tak mudah utk kita membiarkn kelemahan kita dinampak org.tapi, worst thing of all, kita tend utk tros mnyakiti, tros mnjadi hipokrit pada diri sdiri.

Aku percaya, suatu hari, aku juga berbuat perkara yg sama…mjadi hipokrit, menjadi plastic, wlau aku benci, tp hakikat khidupan memaksa manusia melakukan perkara tersebut, dlm sedar atau tidak, sengaja atau tidak sengaja…

Aku gembira, hidup tidak slalu treat aku nicely, hidup tak slalu membuat aku terawang2, aku stiasa jatuh, aku stiasa terlambung, aku gembira aturan hidupku tidak ssempurna orang2 yg aku cemburui…

Kerna,

Ia membuat aku menjadi aku. Karakter aku mgkin berbeza dan susah utk dimengerti. tp percayalah, aku juga manusia biasa.juga punya perahu yg sama utk blayar d lautan yg bergelora.Cuma pelayaranku dikawal oleh caraku yg berbeza, xunik, xmenarik…tp playaranku punya corak yg pelbagai…wlau material kita smua sama..aku percaya, corak abstrak pada perahu layar aku bakal menginjak aku dr menjadi biasa.bukan kerna biasa itu buruk, tp biasa itu buat aku merasa bahawa aku bukan siapa2.sedang aku punya pmikiran yg berbeza dan kmahuan yg memuncak utk mjadi sesuatu.pada Penciptaku.

Mungkin aku diuji, supaya sujudku bertambah khusyuk

Mungkin aku dicaci, utk buat aku ingat bhw Allah Maha Mulia

Mungkin aku disakiti, utk aku ingat neraka yg lebih sengsara

Mungkin aku kabur, supaya aku ingat aku cuma manusia biasa

Melakukn dosa, terlupa, lalai dan leka…………….

Harus aku ingat…dunia tidak indah utk ku, kerna syurga yg menanti adlh jauh lebih nikmat dan suci, melangkaui kenikmatan duniawi….jangan ditangisi dunia!

this is how it is

2009-03-17T13:15:00.003+08:00

nobody's perfect.i am not.YOU are not.but we have two hands and brains, at least to do something with them.the art of becoming perfect is pretending that you know everything which is unfortunately, you never, ever not.how annoying a person can turn to when he or she pretend that he or she knows about something that is not even familiar or not knowing them at all.poor...poor...s0,please, please...be frank..please, please, don't lie.just be who you are and accept the fact that we are imperfect.that's the main reason on earth why we got to learn.imperfection inspires us to figure about more about things we don't know, and gradually learn.

i hope i can dance

2009-03-13T00:26:00.004+08:00

i hope i could dance
i am willing to learn
or relearn
may take some time
before i know
how to dance well
yes,
i want to dance
i hope i can dance

looking for a rain idea

2009-03-12T21:34:00.007+08:00

i enjoy the course, eventually...(how sincere i am?!) $&^@@(*#()$#&($#@)$#)@

oh ilham
dtgla
wlau sejenak
singgah di benakku
agarku tahu
agarku mampu
mengarang walau merapu
biar tak indah
biar xcantek atau menarik
tapi penuhi kriteria
agar berjela-jela
oh ilham
datangla
padaku...

Pure, innocent, sinless

2009-03-11T22:05:00.004+08:00

I wish, I could go back to those days

how I wish so

sick of hanging on

2009-03-10T23:12:00.004+08:00

after all that had happened
i wish
i could smile
i wish
i could breathe
life
could be
smoothier
lovelier
happier
for(n)ever

The letter, unintended

2009-03-10T21:54:00.002+08:00

When can I then see you
I've been counting the days
I promise you our secret will be safe
No I just can't continue
Reading through my tears
The beating of the letter is so clear
So clear

It's too late to try and work it out
there's no way to turn this thing around
it's so hard, there in the letter that I've found
I've memorized it line for line
Too bad that letter isn't mine

You wanted me to find it
Never tried to hide it
Running never fades those words are here to stay
I hope you find this letter
Writing you today
These will be the last words that I say

LOVE'S RISK

2009-03-05T21:34:00.001+08:00

There is a risk involved in everything.

Every time you share a smile
Every time you shed a tear
You are opening yourself up to hurt.

Some people tread slowly through life,
Avoiding the closeness risk brings,
Side-stepping the things they can't understand...

Turning away from those who care too much,
Those who care stay too long,
Those who hold too tightly.

There is never an easy way to love.

You can not approach it cautiously
It will not wait for you to arm yourself.

It does not care if you turn away
It is everywhere, it is everything.

Love is the greatest of all risks.

It is not reliable, it is not cautious,
It is not sympathetic
It is unprejudiced and unmerciliess.

It strikes the strongest of mind,
And brings them to their knees in one blow.

Even in the best of times, love hurts.

It hurts to need, it hurts to belong,
It hurts to be the other part of someone else,
Without either of your consent.

But, from the moment it overtakes you,
It hurts worse to be all alone.

The risk of love never depletes;
It grows stronger and more dangerous with time.

But, it's in the total surrender of all defense,
That we, no matter weak or strong,

No matter willing or captive,
No matter what, we truly experience love.

Despite the many things love is not,
Outweighing it all are the things that love is.

Love is surrender without a loss.

It is a gift without the cost.

It consumes your every thought & desire,
Every breath you take.

It is the fire that fuels you
To do more than pass through life;

It urges you, instead, to live.

No matter the outcome, having felt love,
You will never be the same.

It may scar your heart & soul
And Leave you only memories of forever.

Or, it may cause every day of your life
To feel like there is no need for tomorrow.

But, love is worth it. It is worth the risk...

For in all of life,

Love is truly the only risk worth taking.

~~ Author Unknown ~~

Jika, Mungkin, Pasti

2009-03-05T20:55:00.001+08:00

"Jika Khadijah mampu memiliki penghormatan Junjungan Besar, dan Fatimah Az-Zahra dicintai sepenuhnya oleh Ali kerana Tuhannya, maka seharusnya kudup-kudup bunga zaman ini dihiasi pekerti Aisyah kerana atas dasar inilah mereka diletakkan pada persada penghormatan tertinggi."

Bukan senang seorg perempuan masa kini diletakkan pada suatu tempat yang tinggi, bukan mudah untuk seorg perempuan menembusi dinding kebal seorg lelaki yg taksub mengatakan mereka jauh lebih berpotensi. Maka, haruslah diubah persepsi ini, menepis dakwaan dan sangkaan melulu kumbang2 yg masih daif menilai kecantikan asli bunga2 yg sedang bergemerlapan.

Kemampuan itu terletak pada kesanggupan. Kesanggupan itu terletak pada kemahuan. Kemahuan itu pasti mencari jalannya. Sang kumbang harus lebih matang dan terus memantapkan fikiran, dan bunga2 harus terus bergemerlapan dan ikut berjuang, tanpa mencacatkan antara satu sama lain.

Jadi, pelbagai cara dan dakwa diletakkan sesuai pada tempatnya. Bukan melulu menuding jari, mcari cacat dan cela. Usaha pemantapan harus selari. Berdiri, berlari, kearah yang pasti dan diredhai. Mencintai dan dicintai pasti tidak serumit gumpalan benang, tp selurus tiang yg teguh berdiri atas pasak yg kukuh.

"Cabaran untuk menjadi anak yang paling bermakna dan dalam masa yang sama menyempurnakan seruan daripada pertiwi pasti mampu diatasi.

Tidak ada kusut yang tidak selesai."

you, my unintended

2009-03-01T20:56:00.006+08:00

Baby I love you and i'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can never be erased
And i promise you that you will never be replaced
Baby I love you and I'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can never be erased
And i promise you that you will never be replaced

I love you,
Yes i do.
Ill be with you aslong as you want me to,
Until the end of time.
From the day i met you i knew we'd be together.
And now i know i want to be with you forever, i want to marry you and i want to have
your kids.
Thinking can never compare to the feeling of your kisses.

I can say im truely happy till this day.
You make me thank god that i live my life every day.
Theres never been a doubt in my mind that id regret ever having you by my side.
But if the day comes that i have to let you go
I think theres something i should probably let you know,
Enjoyed everday that i spent with you and i will miss you cause im happy that i had
you at all.

Baby I love you and i'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can never be erased
And i promise you that you will never be replaced
Baby I love you and I'll never let you go
But if I have to boy I think that you should know
All the love we make can never be erased
And i promise you that you will never be replaced

I feel for you yes i do
I'll be with you as long as you want me to
Until the end of time

missing puzzles = incomplete

2009-02-28T23:56:00.007+08:00

aku merindui seseorg, malah aku akui aku sgt2 merinduinya. kerana aku insan biasa, punya rasa sayang dan menyayang dan maw disayangi. malah aku rasa hilang, tanpanya d sisiku.

aku tros hilang dlm emosiku sendri, hanyut dbuai perasaan yg tak terbuang. mengapa aku teramat syg, mngapa tiada yg kusimpan utk syg hanya diriku.mengapa, soalan yg nyata...

aku maw terbang, aku maw lari dr realiti hidup berpasangan. sedangkn Tuhan jadikan makhluk-Nya berpasang-pasangan.dan aku, aku masih tidak mengerti akan rasa syg yg menghimpit diri.apa aku harus troskan utk merinduinya...dan tros merndui???

apa aku harus tros bgini, dihimpit prasaan yg bergulir, senaknya sbuah perasaan.

missing puzzles...life, incomplete...demmit!

light up!

2009-02-27T19:39:00.001+08:00

i did believe myself that the best and truth feelings come from inside. We decide wether we wana feel happy, bloomy, great, bad, sad, mad of anything triggered by the outside(people/things happened around us). we sometimes do something out of something without thinking, but use the gut feelings.how many of us, use brain to control anger? how many of us capable of putting smile on face when there is fire in you, or maybe a knot of pit in your heart?

I believe myself that I am an ordinary, too much ordinary girl who easily overwhelmed by own feeling. it is uncontrollable..it is undeniable to just follow ur instinct, display it out loud and you feel happy about it. i view the world, most of the time, ikut perasaan. i feel anything about something, than only i think about it...haha, klu rajin

like playing chess within myself, my king is my brain, my queen is my heart. and of course, my queen moves many many steps than king. now i wonder why a tough mother could deliver 10 babies and feel happy about it? isn't it painful? isn't it put her into unbearable condition? why, why on earth SHE could do the splendid job?this is because the precious gift from God; her heart, her queen. She could do anything with this great, great organ. how about guys? the answer is simple, the king and queen happens to be the other way around. thus, the king the most powerful one would tell the body, avoid the pain, avoid the unbearable condition. many, many times i've seen ill boys couldn't bear the sickness. bcoz they don't have the WARM heart... the strongest shield of every woman...that is why, if guys happen to be the ones who deliver the baby, there would be no overpopulation...there would be only a child in a family...hahah

till then...i better use my king to the fullest for the becoming weeks..presentation, microteaching and quizzes are coming...Do i just need to sit down and wait?na...na...na...i shoud enjoy this weekend...before the sky falls down on me.huhu

starting fresh, forget the past

2009-02-24T21:31:00.010+08:00

down
i was down
rise up, rise up girl,
it is over...misremember everything
starting fresh, leave the hope, leave everything behind...LISTEN TO ME, zick! wake up zick!

harus aku
cari pelindung, bentuk cahaya,
jadi kelkatu, cari cahaya, lari dr gelita malam pekat
biar mati
asal kupunya cahaya, dan mati bermandi cahaya
bukan terus likat di malam pekat
bukan tempiaran tanpa tempat
mengundang berat sarat sekeping hitam nyawa layangku
lari
lari dan kabur aku dr kesamaran itu
cari
cari aku cahaya
tenangi jiwa
legakan rasa
nikmat
TERANGNYA CAHAYA

my days

2009-02-17T21:51:00.006+08:00

i believe this week is toughest ever...
pity me, having such %&**$#* who always condemn on what i did (plz, plz, plz dun care bout me in that way, 'dosa ko tmbh ka klu aku bgini')
pity me, having #!$*@&^ that pretty nice in being plastic( if u dun care, dun pretend u care)
pity me,
pity me...

STUPID and PATHETIC
i am

hey zick, asal low sgt ni????
sabar, sabar
sabar sparuh dr iman
sabar smpai bila?
smpai bila2

You and I

2009-02-15T16:50:00.000+08:00

You and I
Holding tight
You and I
Gotta fight
You and I
Side by side
You and I
Sanctified
You and I
Feels so right
You and I
Holding tight
You and I
Side by side
You and I
For the rest of our lives

Every night
We're all alone
Every night
My only hope
Is the light that's shining from inside you
'cause you believe in what we are
You believe in what we'll be
Give me strength so I can stand beside you

No truths to confirm
No lies to deny
Too hopeless to care
We're too scared to cry

You and I
Holding tight
You and I
Gotta fight
You and I
Side by side
You and I
Sanctified
You and I
Feels so right
You and I
Holding tight
You and I
Side by side
You and I
For the rest of our lives

Cast aside
To an angry street
Criticized
For what we believe
If we hide maybe we can make it through this
Is it fair to be thrown away?
Is it fair that we live this way?
Victimized for a life we didn't ask for...

No truths to confirm
No lies to deny
Too hopeless to care
We're too scared to cry

You and I
Holding tight
You and I
Gotta fight
You and I
Side by side
You and I
Sanctified
You and I
Feels so right
You and I
Holding tight
You and I
Side by side
You and I
For the rest of our lives

love is NOT in the air

2009-02-09T00:46:00.006+08:00

strong airflow between us, pretending that am ok..ya, i do
i gotta be strong, gotta be tough, iv gone through worst than this
love is NOT in the air, oh no, am not OK

should i let everything go away just like that..or should i become a saviour?
to be or not to be?

i am confused, i call this crazy kind of love
am not capable of controlling myself
overwhelmed
i am trapped
oh my insane love

SAVE ME

hols mood~

2009-01-24T10:29:00.006+08:00

yeah2, holiday!...a-week holiday
i am free
free from going to morning classes
free from Shakespearean class (no sonnet, no biblio of him, no non-stop talking of 'her')
also
free from the coldness of INTEC lib
free from the state where i gotta think what to eat, whats the next class

BUT
i am not free from assignment
SLA tutorial happens to be every week
I gotta finish it up b4 wednesday
i dun even bring textbook
haiyak, haiyak

holiday supposed to be holiday
where i can sleep and 'hybernate' and wake up at any hour
damnation
i dont really have my one week holiday

poor zick!

pleasurable moment

2009-01-22T20:06:00.004+08:00

kenapa begitu frequent aku mengampai d cni huh?
well...bila xbnyk kita dpt luahkn kt org skeliling kita, kita tend utk menulis, mengamati, self-absorbed...
kita seringkali salahkan org, salahkn diri, salahkn sapa2 yg kdg2 x bkaitan,
dan
hakikatnya...
menulis adlh utk kpuasan diri.titik

act, i hv a very BEST meal of the year td.
perasaan itu mgalahkn dating kali pertama.
btol2 aku hepi sgt, puas sgt.
instant mee, thanx for the companion.
bf aku pon x pena wat aku hepi cmne
instant mee is the best companion
when u know u do NOTHING yet for ur take home test
when u have friends that craving for secret recipe n ur not
when u wake up from nap n u are really, really, damn hungry

again,
instant mee, i love ur companion
so memorable..unforgettable

hepinya.leganya.

2009-01-21T23:41:00.009+08:00

am speechless, the laughter, the 'ops', the secret, the choc indulgence. the cendol. oh, the moment. the everything.thanx so much.i feel so hepi~ thanx 2 u my dear friend. at last.at last.aku tdo lena la ni. mesti tdo lena mlm ni.

am fully recharged.so xnk dh down.nk hepi2 je tomorrow. Thanx to Almighty because has rekindled us. please dun take her away. not now.not, never, please.never again.

i need this friend of mine, til death do us part.

p/s i love u babe (in a +ve way of course) hehe

independent thinking huh~

2009-01-21T18:49:00.003+08:00

sometimes i find myself in the middle of nowhere...but it doesnt mean that am not exist..i am there, in front of everybody, but making myself invisible...making people having NO heart to care about me...as if i have NONE business to do wif everybody... weird huh?

maybe the life that i live on is totally different. doesnt mean that am SO special, but who u r to expect me putting smile on my face all the time when i have so many, many disastrous events in my life? grateful i am, for everything that make me stronger and maturer...the thing is, people cant see the world through my lens...

the reason why i am so different( in my humble opinion) is bcause the culture, the background i gained al through 23 years...ahax, i am mixed...between east borneo and north peninsular. i am mixed, pattani, jawa and pure malay. i am mixed, between a kind-hearted person and rebellious one...thanx to Laksamana Bentan for his blood...hahaha...

why, why on earth iv been thinking like this.i know my ego would never let go all of the miserable feelings to throw out here, where this beautiful place should be the spot where im supposed to stand for myself, be optimistic of my world around...

crap, again
and today i found out that the manly or boyish characteristic is still with me...i thought i have become a proper lady, with a proper behavior these days...but this particular unlucky guy has triggered something in me that iv neve ever feel in 2-3 years time...omg, i rly wanna punch his head and back kick him &*%...'memajal' btol ini org...dui dogok...

wo, haziqah...what have u done? what do u have in mind?
"well, just being frank"
esok, forgive everyone p/s to the person concerned, i am sorry for the shock i gave

now, here to stop writing. time to have shower, maghrib time is so close...

embun di pagi buta

2009-01-18T08:47:00.006+08:00

today i am so liat nk bgun...WHY?
there are no kakak atul n kakak khai at 508( cpt2 la balik, miss u guys oredi)
n so thimpit prasaan with so many assignments to do...

so, as usual, bgun pagi2, must forgive everyone...yes...no one excluded.tgk to do list, pick up the simpler one to do this early morning n do it fast...Q2 tutorial mz zaina, oyeah! DONE

skang nk gv reward to myself, mngadap screen laptop n write something...

act, my stomach so saket that it is a sign of am so hungry, so pedih perut bt sadly am so malas to bgun n bancuh kopi/milo or any drink that can mengenyangkn my perut..(ish2, tragiknya bahasa)

so, aku dok senyap2, menulis lagi

angin pusar tak bikin aku jatuh
malah aku bjalan keras
tujui hala aku mau
bukan cinta atau saat bahagia
tapi saat lalu mengetuk pintu
saat jatuh pula menggamit rasa
di mana aku dan kuatku
di mana hati dan mindaku
raja dan permaisuriku
kini di petak catur bergabung tenaga
mau banteras satu
ego dan keakuanku
nah, aku tidak jatuh
angin pusar tak bikin aku jatuh...

crap! crap! crap!

so skang wana do my laundry, n menyambung other to do things yg masih tertunggak menanti tok disiapkn...

tired.long day

2009-01-15T07:31:00.003+08:00

i always have this prob inside my head.dun wanna impress others, instead, being biasa2 jak...bcoz for me, the point of impressing others is close to riak(m'bangga')..wo, dalam2, pedih2...is that true?
however, does 'it'(not impressing lecturer per se) affects our marks and performance in the class??thats the deal...aduss2
so, yesterday is very, very tired day for me..it was the first presentation of the year, of the semester...dun wanna comment on how i did it...BUT

the
conclusion
is

gotta impress the lecturer...gotta zick!

Work, Work, Work..go away!

2009-01-11T20:39:00.005+08:00

SONNET 23
Td ptg g tgk Outlander kt pyramid...bez la jg.. kpenatan, arrive home at 6, decide wanna do Sonnet 23 for Shakespeare class so...here it is (at least, it has been decided=))
As an unperfect actor on the stage
Who with his fear is put besides his part,
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
Whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart.
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say
The perfect ceremony of love's rite,
And in mine own love's strength seem to decay,
O'ercharged with burden of mine own love's might.
O, let my books be then the eloquence
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,
Who plead for love and look for recompense
More than that tongue that more hath more express'd.
O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit.

seminggu ber"dua kosong kosong sembilan"

2009-01-11T00:45:00.007+08:00

i am so proud of myself that i could save 'cukup-cukup makan' percent of myself to start the brand new me...or literally to be just whole me

wow, he's married...it was last year, but not even reach a month though...da, like i do rly care(well, act i did) but im ok, yeah...i knw am OK...let bygone, be bygone...hidup mesti tros ma!

back to basic, with continuously heavy assignments, tiring lectures, unstoppable presentations, critical lesson plan bla bla bla...x sgka nex sem dh nk practicum..BERSEDIAKAH aku?berat soklan ne..haha

apa2pon, dlm sminggu ne, aku rasa...

1) aku nk mnta maaf kt smua org...anyone..sapa2 yg tbaca...am SORRY for everything...

2)aku nk blaja maafkn smua org.xnk bdendam wlau dendam yg damai.aku nk rasa nikmat tenang, xnk pk pasal trivia...(so mmg pd sapa2, xkira la salah apa, aku maafkn tmasukla yg pena cucuk paku kt mata aku time kecik2 dlu)

3) aku nk blaja jadi cikgu yg aku kagum...not by imitating her but learn from her style of teaching, not only from her but i want 2 learn from my mistakes, n opcoz my own mistake is also my teacher...

4)read a lot, n a lot...(have to)...kurang sgt aku membaca these few years..apo nk jadi zick??

so, aku rasa...lebaran tahun baru(cewah) ne akan mbawa pelangi kembali kpd aku...atau pendek citernya..akan wat aku bahagia dan dpt bahagiakan smua org...

insya-Allah

welcome 2009!!!

2008-12-31T15:31:00.005+08:00

new year is approaching..8hours to go...reflecting 2008

.......................................................................
.............................................................
..............................................
................................
...................
........
..

leaving behind what we're not supposed to carry
starting over again what we're unable to fulfill

new resolution
new year
new brand me

guilty pleasure

2008-12-10T12:56:00.003+08:00

raya aji kali ni...mcm besa juadah sakan disediakn d umahku yg tercenta

1) bihun sup tulang
2) laksa
3) ketupat dan lemang
4) rendang
5) kuah kacang

so, imagine la raya aji ni menyebabkan aku gain weight...........uwaaaaaaa!!!!!

nevertheless, sedap siot k.ton ku masak...pergh, xtertahankan...

pada k.wani n k.ton, hepi belated bfday...9/12, wa xlupa punya! love u siz...wa xsabar nk timang anak sedara ni, cpt2la kawen..ngeh3

percaya atau x

2008-12-05T14:58:00.004+08:00

R-625 CYL-50
L-550 CYL-75

ish2, degree naik...spec aku siap arini...sedey2
percaya atau x
aku kena telan jua kenyataan ini!

license i got...

2008-12-05T12:51:00.002+08:00

alhamdulillah...akhirnya aku berjaya mendapatkan lesen keta P...

pasni, semangat nak amek P moto plak...

kopak abah aku dlm seminggu aku blaja, bjaya juga aku dapatknny...

syukur aku!

tentang perasaan di pagi khamis

2008-11-13T11:58:00.003+08:00

there's less a day for the final sociolinguistics. cuak, ya...yes, tersangatlah...serious tahap koma,am helpless...laying on bed doing nothing but wondering...uwaa!

woke up on 9 and suck on coke...haiya, y so stupid haziqah?
smua saket datang ne..stomachache, headache...so helpless, so pathetic, so cari penyakit

"mau mati ka zick"

sometimes we suddenly wanna do things that we shouldn't...

sometimes the best feeling comes from the unusual routine, from the pain...

am i crazy, am i insane?

keluhanku malam ini

2008-11-13T00:53:00.004+08:00

it is like a dejavu to write the same thing here...to write about things that always running through my head..i don't know why, i don't wana care anymore...i just want to STAY TRUE, don't wanna be PLASTIC...go away, Parasit, go away Plastic...P is such a bad luck letter..haha, what sounds similar with P...yay!

however, O'yeah, it is such a success, at least to find ME inside myself...hikmah yg aku temui, belum atau bakal ku temui, grateful i should to have such an experience...what an experience...it makes me REALLY, really learn....learn something that not NEW...but the lesson, pergh...

petik kata2 rangga, "Dibuat begini, aku suda biasa".

but again,

i wonder why for some people simply could be so cold-hearted, could be so mean, could be so wateva..napa huh?

nnddd if its wrong to be me, to just like this, if its so wrong, whom to be blamed? whom? ah, again, the problem that never solved, undone and left unspoken all through the years...i hate to remember bout it, hate to talk bout it, hate the hard feeling knocking my head all the time...

terkadang, aku x maw lagi bercerita atau expose apa yg aku rasa, apa yg aku pikir pasal dia, pasal KAMI...SERIK is the right word...SAKIT is the possible outcome...

bha, uda la...aku penat begini..penat berperang dgn emosi sendiri...aku sedar aku penuh emosi yet aku sedar walau aku begini aku tetap stay on the ground...at least, i be myself, am myself..n at some time, feel good bout it...sbb aku xkan perna maw menjadi Plastic, atau Parasit..atau apa yg sewaktu dengannya..coz i believe in myself...n i believe no one can be me, no one could..

even more, aku rasa tentunya aku takkan perna survive being other people...juga sekurangnya aku taw yg aku ni bukan jenis yg menyusahkn hidup orang lain.cukup, dan itula aku...

hurm, (keluhan mlm ini)

selamat malam kepada smua...insya-Allah, im getting better...skang pon dh get better lil bit...ni mesti sbb nk paper sociolinguistics...jadi emo tahap gaban...waaaaa, k
wan'an

huayu final tomorrow!

2008-11-09T18:53:00.003+08:00

i am about to sit for final paper Mandarin III, tomorrow... hurm, sgt teramat nervous i feel, yet haven't done my revision. pity me aight? no..how pathetic i am, to waste the time..to waste the whole week...poor me...poor zick..blekh

again, self-absorbed...thinking...i do too much thinking. headache ni kapla..tatau napa lately aku dh taw makna headache, aku jarang headache ni, xde dlm kamus idop ne. adesh

anyway, 'dekat tapi jauh'...yes, this 'pepatah' reminds me of my relationship with my bestie...we both floating, falling apart.....jauh..semakin jauh...what to do???that parasit has taken over my place...n me just look at the drama n do nothing...no, no...i should clap my hand n laugh at the tragedy..hahahaha

at some time, i feel that no one could stand me...neither her...letting her go is the best way...tata~

nnnnd good luck to me...for my huayu final paper tomorrow~

You Are My Thunder...

2008-11-06T23:25:00.003+08:00

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
And bring on the thunder, and I said
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

Thunder - Boys Like Girls