Sama

Akhir-akhir ini, hidup sangat bosan, sangat sibuk. hidup hanya dengan melakukan perkara yang sama tiap hari. "ALWAYS" adalah perkara yang berlaku setiap kali. saya sudah berada di zone selesa di mana saya tidak lagi mencuba pekara-perkara baru. Amat membimbangkan. I am not at ease. Situasi yang tidak patut berlaku pada seorang novice teacher. Novice teacher ataupun guru permulaan merupakan gelaran saya. Penyapu baru pula antara gelaran yang saya raih(diberi oleh seorang senior). Bangga? Oh tidak. saya punya pelbagai tanggungjawab untuk dilaksanakan. baik sekarang, nanti atau akan datang. semuanya sudah diatur rapi. "U r no longer the baby!" Gembira dapat junior 2bulan tapi hati kecil saya tetap yakin yang saya memikul setong/ seunit tan/ berbonggol-bonggol tanggungjawab yang saya sendiri tak dapt bayangkan. ini merupakan cabaran, halangan kepada usaha ataupun keyakinan seorang kerdil yang baru menapak dalam profesion serba menduga ini. Saya dah tak larat nak memikirkan bila la nak siap laporan orientasi ni, tak larat nak fikir bilakah saya dapat menanda semua kerta esei pelajar-pelajar saya yang bertimbun tu. The same things happen. Bola tu cuma berpusing-pusing pada tempat yang sama. Cuba la disepak ke tempat baru sekali sekala. Sama. Mengeluh lagi.

H.A.P.P.Y

We tend to make others happy in order to stay happy

We tend to get near people who are happy so we do not feel alone and sad

We yearn for happiness (not frustration or sadness)

We live life and certainly would like to be happy ever after (sometimes it last temporarily)

Happy is a big issue easy reload

Happy is the resolution for everyone

(Happy to be slimmer, happy to be better in career, happy to achieve the dream)

Though, for some people they need to live separately in order to gain happiness

They need to be apart to love and beloved

They need to keep mum makan hati to let him/her smile

Apparently, we are on our sweats when we lose the happiness

Realizing happiness sometimes/always needs sacrifice

It’s easy for some people, it’s almost impossible for some others

For whatever reason for us to live, we yearn for satisfaction and happiness

Do smile and let others be happy. Cheer up and cheer the people around you. You’ll be happy then, for sure.

^_______^

indifferent and different is no different

These few weeks, I've spent my life differently. I am different person, I can feel it. I've grown mentally to understand that life is never easy. It is a core business for everyone. To live means that we need satisfaction, food, shelter, clothes and perhaps CONVENIENCE. Convenience comes with a price. Means we need to give something in order to gain CONVENIENCE in return. Speaking of CONVENIENCE, I can smell none essence of it. I am not capable to reach it. Why? Is it because I live in an unfair world? Or am I meant to be an always unskilled gambler? I understand that it is nothing to do with how far I give in. It is how far I count my blessings and wait patiently. Understand this still makes me wonder, WHEN, WHEN, WHEN...convenience will come to me and lit the light?


Oh.oh my official first 5 classes. I would like to tell you the cup is not empty yet. You can't predict me. Yes you can judge me. A month has passed and I am still here. No, am not replacing the old teacher. Am the new one. The beginning and the amateur. The fresh blood to you. I am you. I am proud of myself that today I have none complaints about you. You are my inspirations, my experiments, my everything that trigger me to break my leg, to smile, to hate, to love, to cry, to encounter various emotions and to the extend that makes me hit my head on the wall. I do love you, my children. All the shit and the sweet things you do are welcomed and highly appreciated. It makes us to be closer and closer in that sense.


Complaints? Again and again? Love fails me again? Do I really need love from man? He(s) is from other planet. How should I long for an alien? How should I? Complicated and leave it to God? I should solve something. I should fix something. Repairing heart is never an easy job. It took 2 years to heal and again, it was broken, easily. EASY. This is not an easy reload. This is a bloody heart. My heart. I need to fix it. Hate and revenge cannot fix heart. They do ruin most of the time. Pretending like nothing happened hurts me more. Addiction to this kind of love is unwanted and a waste. If I can remove it.... If I can just put gum to fix those pieces of heart to feel like I am seventeen. Again. I'd love to.


I am very close to add number to my precious age. It is in coming. I should find fresh water, trees, soil, air, ocean and any natural sense to comfort me. I feel better that way. I need to yell, to scream hysterically. I am not a young girl anymore. "Act like a woman, please!" I need to be there; near beach and watch sunset. It is a new hope. It is the day that I wish I can appreciate myself more. I neglect my needs, my desire for too long. Now is payback time. I want to TRAVEL. My dreams should come true.

Tak mungkin kerna sayang.

Tersengih sendiri malah tersenyum lagi. Mentari hadir lagi membawa bayu serta sinar yang menyeri. Cuma aku di sini. Bermain sama bayang-bayang. Pendek. Panjang. Senget. Lurus. Aku. Itu aku. Sepi itu selalu juga aku. Cuma bahagia tiba tak terjangka. Sekejap tapi cukup buat aku tersenyum kala sendiri. Langkah yang sering tersasar ini sering mengganggu aku.Mengingatkan ‘footprints’ yg sudah hilang kesannya. Mengapa? Mengapa sekarang? Menanti itu suatu penyeksaan. Nah, aku tersenyum lg dgn bayang-bayang sendiri. Cuma aku. Dan bayang-bayang. Titik.

friends, needless to say goodbye

we'll meet again.

we'll talk again.

we'll sit together again.

we'll laugh together again.

we'll fight, cry and rekindle,

we'll started all over again.(in a dream)

i hope it is.

i hope we have another semester and i have to come over Sabah.

But it is only hope.(we have finished, that's it)

I believe ONE day I have the chance to meet you, to hug you, to talk to you,to erase this pain,it is unbearable I cannot tolerate with.

See you soon. Friends, I do miss you.