Thing has changed

Solitude
Is a disease at the darkest night
Contagious
Like a horror movie
Saw, Ju-On
But it's okay
Big heart won't feel less than at home.
You face the unfamiliar crowd
And greet a few
You knew the toughest journey
You can't go through
But you and you alone
Brave the night
What's matter to you?
What's matter to you?
When you feel you are less than you was...
Keep on walking
Keep laughing, keep smiling
Today was just a day
To make more you.

Truer meaning to life

The only reason I went away, because I wanted to go away.
You got no idea why but I just did. And I went far.
You pushed hard to my limit and I pushed back harder.
Life is not just merely 'I'll be there for you'
Even this world offers me a spoon-sized size of life, I would accept wholeheartedly.
I use whatever I have to be still standing. And of course existing.
You won't understand why but I will be every song in the radio you listen to.
You won't forget phenomenal me.
I don't do magic. I am simply magical and beautiful at heart.
I don't rely on any occasion, any man... I define myself.
This is a blessing of disguise, to hv known myself. the truer me the truer you.
So, let's just move on slow.
Relax.
Like when I was watching the sunset at Marina Bay Sands with the odour I won't forget.
Nothing in the air. Nothingness but it was perfect.
My adrenalined job has the routine I now can see differently.
Like traffic congestion towards Woodlands checkpoint and the crowded Orchard Road.
I could listen to a strange music of orchestra it tore me down.
Noise. Crowd. Faces. Hunger. Impatience. Fashion. Survival.
The voices and that song of the night.
Either sun shine a lil brighter or am I truly exist?!

Dream oh dream

Jadi bila kita bermimpi, perasaan itu turut tinggal. Menarik ke dalam lubuk hati. Itu mimpi yang kita mahu. Kita perlu untuk terus berdiri dan mensyukuri kenapa dan mengapa kita bernafas lagi. Kita damba dan ingin ingat. Tapi mimpi boleh aneh. Juga.Boleh mententeramkan jiwa.

Ku berlari, kududuk, ku berjalan seiring kumpulan itu. Pemandangan biasa2 sekitarku. Lalu kami sampai di sebuah masjid kampung seraya seorang dari kami membunyikan 'bedong'. Lantas kami ke dalam. (kerap aku mengingat mimpi sekarang2 ni)

Ini mimpi mungkin sangat biasa. Tapi cukup indah dan simbolik untuk diingati. Tafsiranku, jadilah lebih baik, Zick. Atau dalam erti kata lain, untuk kita mencapai dan ingin apa yang kita hajati, dekatilah Dia. Dengan dekat pada-Nya dan hanya dengan izin-Nya..itu yg aku perlu percaya. Keyakinan itu yang amat kita perlu.

Dia tidak janji hidup kita akan selalu bahagia di dunia. Itu benar. Hidup memang perlu rasa kesengsaraan, rasa lemah, rasa sesak, rasa tension yang amat supaya kita amat memerlukan Dia. Jangan lelah. Jangan berhenti. Terus berjalan dan tersenyum. Pelangi muncul lepas hujan. Mentari timbul saat pagi datang. Tiada kusut yang tidak selesai, Zick. Apa pun yang menghalang, Dia pasti bersamamu...

Modifikasi otak tengah

Selalu begini aku tanyakan diri, masih senangkah? Masih ada ruangkah? Tapi bila difikirkan hati takkan dapat memenuhi apa yang minda perlu. Hati cuma rasa puas bila minda rasa tenang. Hati cuma senyap bila minda mulai berhenti berfikir. Tapi minda takkan membuat kata putus tanpa mempersoalkan keadaan hati. Minda akan terus berlari2 anak ke sana ke mari mencari jawapan pasti. Sedangkan hati sudah mendapat kedamaian.

Bila difikir-fikir lagi...maka wujud otak dibahagian tengah- instinct. Naluri. Firasat. Memang bila keseimbangan wujud antara mata hati dan mata akal, firasat akan berfungsi secara sihat. Nah, firasat apa lagi?! Apa lagi kau mahu wahai minda. Kau lemparkan segala kata, segala rasa dalam logik akal yang tak tercapai. Itu tak betul. Itu salah. Ini mungkin. Mungkin satu obsesi tentang hati. Tentang rasa.

Maka, wujudlah satu kekeliruan. Kecelaruan yang menyesakkan hati dan minda. Kemana lagikan kau lari? Ke puncak tinggi atau ke dasar laut mati? Tiada yang indah tanpa rasa susah. Tiada yang mudah tanpa mempermudah. Jadi, mudahalih kan hati dan minda. Perlu di tahap neutral. Perlu dirantai. Perlu di penjara apa yang tidak terkata. Ini kepastian yang tidak abadi. Jika sampai tika dan waktu, maka yang di penjara akan lepas bebas menari di pentas dunia. Tika itu, siapa yang mampu mempersoalkannya....

Maka, mudahalihkanlah hati ni. Modifikasikanlah jiwa ini. Ke tetapan yang lebih berkemanusiaan dan ke arah redha Tuhan.

Final Examination in 44 hours.

A blank slate. Hampir kosong. Tiada isi. Tiada apa yang boleh dipercayai dalam otak kiri ini. Kenapa susah sangat nak study? Hish.esok saya janji. Saya pasti. Semoga semuanya indah dan menjadi. Ameeen.

Family Joy Trip 2012

I was thrilled to bring abah to the island. The trip was happening... Truly blessed, we were all safe went back home although we had the bumpy ride on the boat. Island hopping was the prime joy. Having bath both sea and lake water, we were wet and tanned. Haikal and Izzudin had the sweetest memory of childhood I bet. Shopping was not the main activity yet I got short list and managed to grab those cutlery set and steam cooker. Driving and boating around the island, en route to cabel car, mahsuri etc the scenery was spectacular. Proud to be Kedahan. Proud to be Malaysian. Hope to be there again. It did release all the negativity and uneasy vibes. I felt fresh and could not stop smiling. Too, the experience driving Innova boosted my esteem very much. Better start saving now. More getaway, in shaa Allah soon. This time, oversea can do;-)