tentang perasaan di pagi khamis

there's less a day for the final sociolinguistics. cuak, ya...yes, tersangatlah...serious tahap koma,am helpless...laying on bed doing nothing but wondering...uwaa!

woke up on 9 and suck on coke...haiya, y so stupid haziqah?
smua saket datang ne..stomachache, headache...so helpless, so pathetic, so cari penyakit

"mau mati ka zick"

sometimes we suddenly wanna do things that we shouldn't...

sometimes the best feeling comes from the unusual routine, from the pain...

am i crazy, am i insane?

keluhanku malam ini

it is like a dejavu to write the same thing here...to write about things that always running through my head..i don't know why, i don't wana care anymore...i just want to STAY TRUE, don't wanna be PLASTIC...go away, Parasit, go away Plastic...P is such a bad luck letter..haha, what sounds similar with P...yay!

however, O'yeah, it is such a success, at least to find ME inside myself...hikmah yg aku temui, belum atau bakal ku temui, grateful i should to have such an experience...what an experience...it makes me REALLY, really learn....learn something that not NEW...but the lesson, pergh...

petik kata2 rangga, "Dibuat begini, aku suda biasa".

but again,

i wonder why for some people simply could be so cold-hearted, could be so mean, could be so wateva..napa huh?

nnddd if its wrong to be me, to just like this, if its so wrong, whom to be blamed? whom? ah, again, the problem that never solved, undone and left unspoken all through the years...i hate to remember bout it, hate to talk bout it, hate the hard feeling knocking my head all the time...

terkadang, aku x maw lagi bercerita atau expose apa yg aku rasa, apa yg aku pikir pasal dia, pasal KAMI...SERIK is the right word...SAKIT is the possible outcome...

bha, uda la...aku penat begini..penat berperang dgn emosi sendiri...aku sedar aku penuh emosi yet aku sedar walau aku begini aku tetap stay on the ground...at least, i be myself, am myself..n at some time, feel good bout it...sbb aku xkan perna maw menjadi Plastic, atau Parasit..atau apa yg sewaktu dengannya..coz i believe in myself...n i believe no one can be me, no one could..

even more, aku rasa tentunya aku takkan perna survive being other people...juga sekurangnya aku taw yg aku ni bukan jenis yg menyusahkn hidup orang lain.cukup, dan itula aku...

hurm, (keluhan mlm ini)

selamat malam kepada smua...insya-Allah, im getting better...skang pon dh get better lil bit...ni mesti sbb nk paper sociolinguistics...jadi emo tahap gaban...waaaaa, k
wan'an

huayu final tomorrow!

i am about to sit for final paper Mandarin III, tomorrow... hurm, sgt teramat nervous i feel, yet haven't done my revision. pity me aight? no..how pathetic i am, to waste the time..to waste the whole week...poor me...poor zick..blekh

again, self-absorbed...thinking...i do too much thinking. headache ni kapla..tatau napa lately aku dh taw makna headache, aku jarang headache ni, xde dlm kamus idop ne. adesh

anyway, 'dekat tapi jauh'...yes, this 'pepatah' reminds me of my relationship with my bestie...we both floating, falling apart.....jauh..semakin jauh...what to do???that parasit has taken over my place...n me just look at the drama n do nothing...no, no...i should clap my hand n laugh at the tragedy..hahahaha


at some time, i feel that no one could stand me...neither her...letting her go is the best way...tata~

nnnnd good luck to me...for my huayu final paper tomorrow~

You Are My Thunder...

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go


Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
And bring on the thunder, and I said
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

a week to remember`

it is the hardest week ever...gotta be tougher, convince myself that i am ok, everything gonna b ok, n hopefully alright.. i promise myself, never again i put myself into such situation.it hurts me, it hurts him...it hurts everybody...

why should u call me when u just wanna hurt me? y should u put my hand aside when u say that u wana stay in my life forever?dont promise when u cant fulfill, jerk!

at a moment, i thought no one could understand me, no one could stand me..it is just me that nobody cant stand with...but it is ok...i dun wana b somebody else....i just wana b me...buruknya aku, baiknya aku, sukanya aku, miserable nya aku...aku hanya maw menjadi aku...zick.titik.

n i am happy to just being myself..not pretending to be good yet ugly inside...being transparent i show the ugliness n the worst that i had in me....maybe people laugh at me, people talk my behind...the best thing is we dont lie...thats more important to me..i dont lie to myself..am not pretender...

that is just a thought..aight..k..good night dunia!

setelah sekian lamanya

it has been a long time tht i dont post my piece of writing here~ngeh2 masa balas dendam
the poem that iv wrote just now, tetiba je rasa nak tulis tue. ntah kenapa saat2 begini rasa nk berpuitis, but its not my fav one, yet ia menggambarkan kepingan hati dan perasaan tika ini.
sekali lagi bulan wujud dlm puisi aku, tp kali ni ada laut pulak...LOL

aku dan lautan~

aku sepi bersama lautan

aku benci di lautan sepi
aku mau jejak bulan
mungkin di bulan ada damai yang pasti

tapi aku masih terkapai di lautan
lautanku sangat sepi, lautanku sangat bosan
lautanku hanya ada aku dan angan-anganku ke bulan

seringkali hanyut
tempat berpaut pon teda
aku jadi lemas
tenggelam
dalam
ke dasar
sepi lautanku

cinta, aku tetap rasa
kerana anganku wujud dalam rohku
wujud dengan rasa benar cinta
bulan, pasti buat aku bahagia
pasti, aku pasti jumpa damai pada angan dan bulanku

ah...hakikat, manakan pula aku mampu terbang melangit
gapai awan pasti aku jatuh
tinggal di lautan sepi pon aku tidak mampu
apa lagi terbang ke langit menemukan bulan
aku tidak bisa
aku tidak bisa

"dunia ini dusta"
"dunia ini nista"
tinggalkan dunia, tinggalkan sepi
tinggalkan lautan
pasti aku mati

lautan itu darahku, lautan itu separuh aku
walau sepi, walau benci
aku lebih rela hidup bersama lautan
dan hanya menjadi aku