to get a job is easy,to confirm in the industry, sweat out babeyh

Thank God, I got this opportunity to change the date. Thanks to those who help me out and those who didnt belief that I will get the concern from spp. Thanks to life coz you treat me nice this time. Step to soar. Are you ready zick, to fly, to set fire. Cekalkan akal untuk smbung study.bur

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strong is a strong word

If I were strong, this is the strongest of me. You have made me to think thrice, to open my eyes wide to see you. What are you becoming of? Perompak, penyangak atau mayat hidup yang terkangkang dan bergelimpangan kotor? Sometimes, i have to believe that your lives are curses. You want speed up your life which means to shorten your life? Common, hidup ikut phases la, you are supposed to be young and sweet and bukan penyakitan hati. Find yourself dream to soar high above the sky, bukan jatuh dalam lohong hitam kelam. Nasib kamu tentukan. Remember, we are not misguided and we are happened to guide to make you, you. Bukan anasir, lanun, alien atau namakan saja apa yg kamu terikut2. Jadilah anak bangsa melayu/malaysia yang punya harga diri, punya ilmu penuh di dada sebelum berkata dan berbahasa bangga akan namamu.

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merekayasa~

sedang menanda kertas

tapi saat terhenti tatkala diri mahu menaip sesuatu di sini

apa yang aku impikan tidak sebesar yang aku miliki

segala nikmat yang telah dikurnia Tuhan, syukur~

Cuma, bersabar akan sesuatu

mencipta dan merekayasa (re-engineering)

"are you insane?"degup hati mengomel.

kenapa harus menutur kata begitu 

bermain nasibmu

kau tanpa malu sungguh dungu

sabar disaat belum iftar

"saya sedang puasa"

memikirkan akan pengelupasan suatu lapisan

tampak hancur sebelum kegemilangan

menggerutu mati

saat melemparkan senyuman sinis

dia mara

bertanya

"saya siapkan juga, saya pinjam buka dia dan dia"

moga kota katanya.

Saat merekayasa

hidup memang terasa berbisa

luka dalam disembur Clorox

mencuci tapi terhakis

rasa gembira.

The art of complaining

I, honestly, do not have the talent

To twist

To jump upside down

To deliver

To make people wonder

I, frankly

Would ponder

upon things that hunded percently untrue

But believed

By the dumb fools

Why, why, why

How, how, how

You can smile

You can ride the talk

By enjoying the spices and seemingly perfect ingredients

Have your sense

Widen your mind

Open your eyes

You are fooled

On non-April-fool day!

dyradyana, 2011

saya bukan siapa-siapa

Saya bukan anak dato'

yang bila saya mahu

saya dapatkan hampir apa sahaja

Saya bukan anak maharaja

yang bila saya arahkan

semua menurut perintah takutkan ayah saya

Saya bukan anak ahli politik

yang bila saya mengada-ngada

semua rasa saya comel

sebab nak ampu tuan mereka

Saya bukan siapa-siapa

cuma perhati dari 350 darjah

yang hairan melihat dunia

Selalu

pijak bumi tapi tak lekat tanah

terbang tinggi tapi bukan kepak sendiri

menyanyi sumbang tak tunjuk gigi

mengaku seni tapi cuma mau royalti

Alih-alih

dunia berputar lagi. Tapi bersegi.

dyradyana, 2011

He is my rubber band

You stretch yourself to 1 inch
I pretend that I do not care
Then 2 inches
I feel not okay
More and more
Inches

Distant

You are in your cave

No bluetooth

No connection

Mute

When you power up yourself

Soaring and smile again

Energized by my ignorance

Gain independence

Here I am

Broken.

Dyradyana, 2011

Pet Society

I am thinking of becoming a successful engineer one day, make hundred Ks.... forget about the price tag because I could buy anything *sigh

A dream left a dream. 

Decision to be who's who has been made. Destiny chose me to be one of a kind. Teacher. An ambitious teacher. Ehem, ehem. I proclaim myself an NOT ordinary teacher who perform the duty and responsibility to the expectation of the admin and society. We, the chosen special ones also abide by rules.

Rule #1: Do not swear before the students / Behave yourself in any (serious) condition

In this kind of suburban school, which similar to "To Sir with Love" students, not to mention the ranking of the school is in bottom 300, we are strictly prohibited to use vulgar language nor to point fingers to those innocent children. We are the role models and angels to the students. We cannot bring stick (if possible) to prevent us becoming reptiles. Arm yourself only with preach and chalks.

Rule #2: Wear proper attire inside or outside the school compound at ALL time

I would advise this to those who care what people care talk about you. In my case, I live in the place where I can stumble upon almost every student and parent of the young and innocent children. They may look at you from top to toe to judge you. Be careful because, once again, you are the role models to their children. They hope you make changes. And the ones who make changes must be brilliant and PERFECT in their eyes.

#Rule 3: To be continued in next post.

P/S: How you can grow up with lots of expectations from every angle?  No way! (rebel kanak2 punya style)

Ramadhan itu indah~

Untitled

Having thinking all of the mess, I am still waiting for no reason. For I do not know where does this waiting lead me to. I hope for you to realize one day that living half alive was not easy. But you chose that road. You chose that. Even you do not verbalise it I know. I am not so into messing with the messy room you have there, I choose to leave us. It is a hard decision. I understand that loving you is suicide, I really do not know whether should I stay or leave. But, .... I make believe that I will be happier soon because you'll do too. Insya-Allah.

Don't come back for me

I wish I do not look back in anger. 

I wish it is forgivable

I am really hope that the pain has the killer

I do understand that I will no longer happier

When inside me crowded with emptiness

Look at me now

The heart is flying round the jar of heart

It is leaving

Somewhere could not be found. 

The empty boxes get the attention and so dear.

Pasti, kepastian yang penuh rasa pahit


Lantas diuli dengan pepejal asing

Lalu lembap dengan larutan hijau kotor

Asing, kau semakin asing

Melenturkan secebis nikmat dan percaya

Lemas, lepas, bebas,

terbang bersama hablur tepu tapi lutsinar

Aku saat percaya cahaya semakin kabur

Semakin luntur

Semakin lemah lajunya

Mengapa harus dewata raya menunjuk kuasanya

Saat kegelapan membelah jiwa alam

Lalu harus kemana tuju sang Pheonix

Di kala mentari meminjam sinar

Kerana aku bukan

Sang puteri lindungan bulan.

Tidak lagi

Kenapa manusia sentiasa punya pilihan dan selalu mereka tersalah pilih ( atau betul Cuma kurang tepat), aku adalah manusia yang kerap musykil dan akan sentiasa mempersoalkan kelebihan orang yang boleh membuat pilihan tapi tidak sedar akan kelebihan tersebut. Bersyukur la kau nak, pilihanmu akan membentuk jalan hidupmu, juga, pilihanmu akan mencorak warna hidupmu, dan percaya atau tidak, pilihanmu boleh mengancam atau menjamin bahagiamu. Aku Cuma ingin kau tahu bahawasanya kau punya pilihan. Penentu nasibmu adalah usahamu. Belajarlah memilih dengan cara yang paling tepat. Mungkin kurang selamat tapi pengakhirannya menjanjikan aman, atau pilihan selamat tapi sedari atau tidak, jalan penuh liku.


Aku pernah berada di berapa ketika dan saat harus memilih . It was a life-changing moment. Aku harus memilih cita-cita aku dan cita-cita orang tuaku. Aku juga harus memilih samada memilih masa depanku atau cinta. Dan ketahuilah aku bukan pemilih yang tepat. Dan akhirku juga penuh liku. Punya takdir sebegini bikin aku semakin risau akan pengakhiranku. Adakah aku di landasan yang akhirnya mencapai destinasi pilihanku sendiri atau kelam dalam sesalku. Tiada kesudahan bagi mereka yang sentiasa menoleh. Aku mahu percaya happy ending wujud pada setiap yang percaya akan wujudnya ia. Aku mahu percaya ending aku pasti seindah yang aku lakarkan.

Cuma aku tak percaya akan cinta lagi. Aku sudah tak bisa mencintai lagi. Aku sudah membenci cinta. Sudah penat mencinta dan hanya ada Cuma rasa takut akan hati ini berbunga ros hitam. Biarlah ia tandus dari punya duri tajam menikam. Aku terlalu kecewa bila saat bahagia di puncak, dia lantas tinggalkan aku dan pilih yang lain. Ya, aku terus terang rasanya semahu mati. Aku benci kerana aku percaya cinta, lagi dan lagi. Dan biarlah rasa ini terkubur mati. Biar Tuhan tentukan aku hanya akan bersama dia yang Cuma punya rasa cinta pada Yang Esa. Dan bukan padaku, aku lebih rela.

Tetapi, tidak akan.

Tidak mungkin lagi.

Who do you think you are?

 Past Life Analysis (click here) and it will diagnose you to who you were in the past life. 

I was male and a warrior.Huh? Padan asyik nak fight je. ^ ^

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Mongolia around the year 1300. Your profession was that of a warrior, hunter, fisherman or executor of sacrifices.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:

You were a sane, practical person, a materialist with no spiritual consciousness. Your simple wisdom helped the weaker and the poor.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:

You should develop self-love and ability to implant hope into hearts of people. Ambition is not everything. True wealth is buried in your soul.

---

Do you remember now? Haziqah. Ingatkah kau masih akan beribu tahun yang lepas?

 Kalau dicongak dengan kehidupan aku ni, memang la, aku Pendekar Hebat yang warrior, hunter semua cukup. Am an independent girl dari kecik, tak sempat kena spoiled (Form 2) da kena hantaq pegi seberang laut boarding school. amek ko, kna jd survivor! Nak hidup. 

Cuma ada banyak cita-cita aku yang masih kabur. Aku kenal sorang ni, dia banyak ajar aku. ajar aku senyum balik. berlari. jatuh dan bangun lagi. Dia tak pernah rasa tak sayang diri atau rendah diri walau dia berada pada kedudukan di bawah bola bumi. Entah aku kagum la dengan dia walau dia nampak biasa. Dia yakin. Dia terus berlari. Dia tak melatah. Dia da berpunya, haha. Sayang di situ.

Aku pada masa dulu dan aku pada masa sekarang tak banyak beda. Aku cuma ada apa yang masa dulu aku kurang, Itu je kot. Aku kini lebih vokal kot ^ ^

Tak tertahankan

I hope for myself being okay with everything but it turns differently. I am not okay and not in better condition. In fact, I am trapped in the world of not my own. Saya tak cukup kuat bila saya memang tak kuat dengan keadaan yang pura-pura kuat sedangkan lemah kerana tak mahu lemah dan mahu dianggap kuat supaya saya stay strong and can live my life. Menjadi berani dan kuat juga ada cabaran yang kuat menekan-nekan saraf tunjang supaya menjadi lemah mengikut stigma masyarakat bahawa perempuan itu lemah. Juga, menurut keadaan yang berpindah randah kekuatan terkecamuk menjadi asing lalu seperti ikan buntal pecah perutnya.I am not okay. I am not okay when I have to take the burdens of others. I am not okay when they can chitchat happily and I did the responsibilities tergeliat2 by my own. I am not okay with people who just point their fingers and know nothing but promoting herself/himself that they did all(can do all). 

One more thing, I am not okay when I am thinking so loud, put into words and type here. 

I am not okay but only can smile because I have terrific Chiko accompanying me. 

The passion to teach

When everyone is against you, when you are eager to improve, to do anything possible so that the children realize their dream,

When you stop, yet falling down, sinking, and nobody throws rope and laugh at your mistake step,

When you dream of success, when you live your dream,

When you mingle with everyone, being nice and offer no harm,

When you have the power and people disregard your responsibility,

When you have done all that possible,

When you do something for yourself and for all,

When you brave the world,

When you smile,

When you rise,

When you offer your hand,

When everything turns as flaw,

When you are a grown girl, there you are at such state.

NhDh, 2011

AM PLAYING A FLUTE

I managed to arrive at school around 7.30 p.m. Quite impressed with myself because I could find my way to SMKAJ. It is somewhere located at the North of Sungai Petani, the place that am not familiar with. Am not good at reading map. Kenapa la terpaksa mengaku. admit that I am. Nasib tak pegi Bandar Aman Jaya. Jenuh sesat la kat sana. We have a healthy breakfast, sandwich and hot drinks. Nah, ada mee juga. I could not take it pagi2 buta. But, ada juga sket I put on my plate^_^

We started our first session with the introduction of Form 5 Literature Component, the poems and the novel.
Sometimes I feel like hating literature so much because I need to read those not because for the sake of pleasure but for me to lecture. The poem by the Jamaican is nice and we could make our students to RELATE/LINK, OBSERVE, WONDER and SENSE the poem in the FUN WAY.  The formula is OWLS.

Now, the second poem does not really interesting, my personal view. Kinda typical one. Anyone got interesting way to teach the 'flute' poem?

The novel, "Catch Us If You Can" sangat menyayat hati and is about the bond of granda and his grandson. The PPD team gave us good idea to teach it using song, "My Way".

The last activity we do was presenting our suggestion of GOOD lesson plans, as usual, the production stage. Kak Aini sang a song and I found that she is very strong emotionally. I am very sorry to know that her husband passed away last year. And the fact that she was one of SMPLM teaching team previously. I could feel her, emotionally. The feeling of losing the beloved one. My beloved mother had to leave when I was in a hard time. The AEs. the final term. I do not blame anyone but this makes me, ME. I am stronger than I know myself. Hope they rest in peace and God bless them~

Not to be forgotten, our group member, Kak Sharmila, Kak Thilaga, Kak Normala, Kak Zaidah, Kak Corina and Kak Ooi. Very bubbly and all are gorgeous super STARS. The ALL STAR group ^__^
sangat best! Naseb presentation ada tu LCD, if not doom la idea bernas kita (; I learn so much today, the experienced teachers were all enthuasiastic, energetic and lively. I represent the young batch should count our blessings and should never burn out so fast. We have long way to run and the long road never easy, man.
Well, the words of the day, there is never a LOYAL ROAD when it comes to learning. So, find many ways to gain knowledge and look at from different angles through different kind of TEACHERS. Yeay!

Hairan

I went to 'Nice Couple' Bookshop for xerox. (I named them as nice couple because the Indian wife and the Chinese husband always give discount to me when it comes to xerox, hihi)
Then, while waiting, an Indian guy entered, seemed just went back from working( at 9pm) was looking for a pencil case.
For his daughter. Or perhaps for a son.
Statement yg agak racist," It is rare to see my own race balik-balik dari kerja go directly to bookshop finding stationery or books to suffice the physical needs for their workers (the students-their children)
Normally, our Malay fathers go back home and ask to our mothers, Minum! Makan! Nak rehat ni".
Sapa pun dia, sangat kagum dengan pakcik ini.
I hope his children will be the good ones in future and return all his kindness. What a caring dad he is. He deserves good children. I admire his love towards his children. Abah, I miss you at this moment. You too has done all you might to grow us up until we become so besar, tinggi panjang. Thanks abah.

The wind: coming and going

They are young at heart

Poor for some of my school children. They want to grow faster. Live like adults. Pretend like ones. Such a waste of their teen hood. Though some of them are intentionally stuck in their childhood, they got to move on. But, still. Unmoved. They shout and cry like babies. They play and laugh for the world to smile. They are sunshine. They all do. I told them so. They do young, they do growing. But, they won't understand that the world will never happily all time nor treat them nicely. They got to face and survive. Cruelty is everywhere. 


Students are their names. Learning are their temporary perpetual job. They got to work hard and smart in order to succeed in their career. No choice but drill. No excuse, but read. Do they know that berakit-rakit ke hulu........................bersenang-senang kemudian really works for everyone's life. They can prove to you. All of us might. So, please. My lovely babies, you guys really have to work it out. Show us what you might do. Learn in everywhere. Anywhere. With anyone. Learn something. Mistakes are your masters. Do learn! DO LEARN! Do learn!

Semalam dan esok

If the other place has rainbow too

And if I have the key to pass through both. Only if...

But blur

I want to go somewhere I belong

'_'

Lukisan kita~

Hidup ini umpama lukisan yang sangat berwarna-warni.
Tinggal kita nak corakkannya dengan kreatif, abstrak mahupun secara konservatif. Namun, hakikatnya, kita tak selalu dapat pegang berus cat dengan betul, kadang kita menguap tercalit jadi hodoh dan pelik, kadang kita teralit(alpa) lantas kita tersalah warna.
Kita punya pilihan untuk berehat seketika ataupun mewarna tanpa henti. Kita punya satu matlamat. Mewarna sampai habis. Atau dalam kata lain, menyiapkan sebuah lukisan indah buat tatapan mereka. Demi kepuasan peribadi mahupun untuk laku di mata mereka. Persekitaran boleh membantu. Turut, membantut. Terus sahaja melukis kerana matlamat dituju tak kira cepat mahupun lambat, kita juga yang putuskan masa. Kita melukis biar cantik. Kita mewarna, biar sekata. Mahu tak mahu, mereka melihat dan membaca kita. MUngkin yang kita mahu kelak lukisan kita terpampang indah. Bukan masuk dalam tong sampah.

Throw me a rope

selamat petang ahad

hari-hari begini boleh bikin aku hypertensi, bikin asma, bikin segala macam penyakit yang aku tak ada, wujud. tapi aku masih bersykur ke hadrat-Nya aku masih bernafas, masih boleh berlari mengejar kucing, masih boleh melakukan perkara di atas sedar. segala berlaku, biarlah berlaku. no reason to cry the river for the everything that has happened to me. The reason for me to breathe is here. titik mula kembali. jam berputar dr pukul 12.01. nah, aku harus mengejar waktu. tapi segalanya pasti boleh. meluah di sini takkan bisa merubah keadaan. tapi aku yakin, Tuhan pasti bersamaku dlm perjalananku ini. Rahmat-Nya yang tak pernah putus, meraih badanku saat aku jatuh, itu pasti. yeay, aku bakal ditemuduga. siapa? apa soalannya?

let's study few things. gain some info. satu langkah melastik ke bintang***********